Dreams.: 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003

I'm a chicken ass pussy.

Someone is bothering me again.

I'm tired, getting frustrated and annoyed, but overall, i guess i'm okay. Just little annoyances are building up.

New Years is coming, time to let everything off my chest soon. Be prepared to hear what I think of all you of soon. Namely, tomorrow.

lol..
its not funnie how easily I'm bought..hahahah
You see all the bitching down there? All cured by one simple thing...computer...in my room...lol!
Sad no? Nah, I dun think its sad =P I'm easily bought, so what =P
Things are going better now anyways, my mothers christmas stress is over, which in turn, makes mine go away and I can just relax.
Minus the whole...I gota plan a New Years party before...new years, lol.
Maybe I should just celebrate chinese new years, gives me more time to plan...mwahah =P
When it is btw? Sometime during feb this year right? late jan early feb-ish.

Well, seems that tonight is the night...I have a plan and everything! Okay, no chickenin out for me =P

btw.
Thx ppl for caring so much bout the whole...thing bout...as shadowless colourfully refered to it...The 'Ass-muncher' incident. I honestly forgot about it until I read her blog =P So I'll just leave it be for now, i feel happy now, why ruin it with petty little things like 'ass-muncher' (your words, not mine =P) and I lied about the being nice gets you no where. It gets you everywhere. My recent discovery. So more being nice for me, less caring about stupid 'ass-muncher' and his kind, and just being happy =) Hopefully this plan'll work out for me for a good while ^^

I've also discovered that, yes, it is REALLY fun to be mean, and bitchy and all, "I'm better than you" to people, BUT, being nicer makes you feel good in a different way, and I think a better way. Just figured this out yesterday =P So dumcat, THIS is why you be nice rather than mean =P And good rather than evil. mwahah~
And the do onto others thing doesnt work...why? Because i'm not doing it right...duH!! See...If I was being an ass, i'd like to think people would tell me, YOU ASS! PULL YOUR ACT TOGETHER!! And what do I do when people are being asses? I 'be nice' and shut up to avoid making them feel like an ass, when in reality, they are. And being nice to some people pays off, and if just kinda bounces off from some people. A person I thought was relatively disgusting, and repulsive, I was nice to yesterday, and I found that he's actually not such a bad guy once you get passed the idiocy and true-geekness =P

Its odd that I can type so much so early in the morning...I couldnt sleep last night very well. Slept about 2 hours...from 3:30 -> 5:30am. so I lay in bed tossin n turnin until 7am, n i say, screw you, i cant sleep, now Imma go eat smthg cause I'm fuckin starving. So i went downstairs n made food, pancakes, sausages, and bacon, and some juice. But after I make it, eat a bit, my stomach (being the retard that it is) tells me, I dont wana eat anymore. AND I MADE SOO MUCH cause i figured i was REALLY hungry...BITCH!
So I gave the food to my parents in bed. It didnt turn out all so bad like that. But something is wrong with my body. My sleepin has gone weird, my eattin has gone weird. Iuno.
I cant eat as much in one sitting anymore, but I'm hungry more often. But I wana eat MORE damnit...on Boxing day...i had all this good food on my plate and I couldnt eat it all, and I wanted to eat it...but bitch ass stomach says...NO, you're full. fuck you! but taste buds yell back...but its sooooooooo good, make room damnit!! And the war goes continues...

Anyways, I'm off to visit my grandma~

Latahs~

I have one thing to say, and one thing only...

do do do do do do do do do...do do do do do do do do..
do do dod od dod dod dod dodo do do...
POP! goes the weasel!
LOL
Its stuck in my head and I cant get it out =P

o ya, forgot to say smthg bout yesterdays game of Capture the Blanket!
Hahhaha, it was shorter cause we were all tired, but good.
Vicki came this time instead of grace, i think we need to get this game better somehow..
Iuno, i'll try n think of things for it.

Also, Welcome back Jess!

Time for a shower =P

do do do do do do do do do...dod od od do do dod dood..
do do dod od dod dod dod oddo..
POP! goes the weasel

Holy shiet...
Today was quite a day...
WELL...Waking up at 5:45am, with much hope for a new computer, I go off to Best Buy Markville. I arrive to see literally hundreds of people standing in line already...at 5:45am!! Jesus...so I go in line and stand around until 8am...my hopes of getting a new computer slowly slowly diminish. Getting to the front of the line at 8am with almost no hope of getting a computer, then I am let inside with Grace. We run straight to the back of the store where the new computers are being sold, and there was NOTHING there...Then Grace asks a sales dude, where can you get a HP celeron blah blah balh, and he says, go line up at the car bay or smthg, so we run around looking for that place, and to my surprise, there were still computers left!! And from what I could see, there were LOTS =) So I got my new computer after all, and I'm typing on it right now!! Came with a nice keyboard, so I'm happy~ It has my winamp buttons!!! YEAH!!! Its in my room all set up!! heheh hoh ho ho ho...sexxxxxxxxxxy!! BEST CHRISTMAS EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Although i had almost NO sleep, I'm happy!! THIS WAS SOOOO WORTH IT...o baby.

Boxing day at Old Fort York was fun. Almost hit lil hoe like...5 times, hahahaha. Karen even joined in which made it soooooooooo much more fun!!!

I was really missin' her today...aiya...even though she's coming back soon. I guess I survived this test though, which means...next stage. Go me, Good luck to me, to those of you who know what that means.

Anyway, I duno if I can sleep tonight!! I'm too happy~~~

MWahahahah
Gonna go play around wit installin shiet and whatever~
Latahs~~~~~

Tailz's Tip of the Day: Never give up hope. And always ask questions.

MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~!~!~
I didnt get a computer...YET!!
There's a chance tomorrow, if I can run into the store and get the good price of 500 bux for it =P
1.4 ghz 60 GB memory~~
seeeeeeeeeex.
I want.
NOW!
I'm not going to bed tonight, lol.
Gonna go at 5am to line up in the damn store..
OMFG, they have a raffle too, for 1000 bux.
OMFG, if i win...buyin the 800 bux computer with the flat screen monitor for 160 and then Imma fucking dance around the roofs!!!
DANCE!!! OMFG...I WANT...
I'll fucking beat everyone up for my damn computer, honestly, i will.
You get in my way, you better have a fuckin gun, or some sort of weapon, because otherwise, i'm taking you DOWN!!
Gawd damnit..
I WANT A NEW COMPUTER SOOOOOOOOOOOO BADLY =/
I'm sooooooo going to cry if i dun get one..
and I'm not exaggerating!!!...
OIAYTRF9yoshnk
Fuckkkkkkkkkkk
ANYWAY..
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

My parents are fucking fools.
They expect me to do everything on their fucking beckoned call.
What am I? Their fucking pet?!?
I'm not about to go and fucking do something "RIGHT NOW" for them, in fact, I'd do it fucking LATER inspite of them. GAWD. Normally its just my mom, but today it was my dad too. Its not like I fucking didnt fucking clean already, and they're yelling at me to fucking clean more?! What the fuck is this?! YES, people ARE coming over. but you know what? I did MORE than my share already. You're lucky I fucking even did ANYTHING, my plan for today was to go out somewhere and not come back until like 8 so that I didnt have to fucking deal with any of you. GAWD, you piss me off SO much. I know there's LOTS to do, but then why the fuck is it that you ask ME TO DO ALL OF IT?!
Wrap this, Clean that, take this upstairs, move this, take this downstairs, do this, do that, find this, put that over there, make that look nice.
And then what do they do while I'm doing all that shit? THEY CRITICIZE HOW I DO IT. DO IT YOURSELF IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO DO IT BETTER. My gawd. The holidays are sooooooooooooo annoying with my family. My mom goes around trying to do everything for everyone outside of my immediate family. Which really is making me do everything for everyone considering she asks me to do fucking almost everything. Hint to everyone who EVER wants me to do something. ASK ME, dont TELL me or COMMAND ME, because then I'd just fucking ignore you. GAWD, i hate people. Arent the holidays supposed to be FUN? YES? WELL WHY THE FUCK IS MINE SO SHITTY?! I want out of this house RIGHT NOW. Maybe imma go for a walk.

Fuck, I wana go yell at my parents more, but then its just going to ruin the holidays more and make me more mad because they're more stubborn than I am. They wont accept that I'm right even though they fucking know it. My mom lost a few battles to me already and had to turn it around to something else, and I could tell she was bitter after and still wouldnt admit that I was right. If I dont fucking get a computer by the end of christmas, I'm not talking to them until school starts and I have to talk to them. I'm going out everyday after boxing day, whether its with or without people, I dont fucking give a shit, I just want to get far away from them. I'm gonna be a bitch all through Xmas Eve dinner and everything tonight now because of them. I feel like ruining their holidays like they've ruined mine. That wouldnt be too nice though. Whatever, we'll see how things turn out. I hate faking nice infront people when i'm fucking pissed off. I'm gonna explode on someone soon. It had to me my dad today, even though most of my negative attitude was directed towards my mom. He just happened to be the last straw...I cant think of the real saying...something bout last straw that tipped the haystack or whatever. Whatever. they thought they got attitude from me last night, ahahahahah. Wait til they see today. Funny thing also, they asked me "Why are you giving me attitude?!?" Opposed to.."Whats wrong Brad, why are you so mad?". The extent of 'care' from my parents. I see they love me soooo much, they care more about the fact that I dropped/threw presents on the floor rather than the fact that I did it to make a statement. That I'm fed up with them and their fucking commanding ways. I need to go for a walk..later.

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL!
OMFG
Jesus.
Fucking yell at me for getting money from Dad..
GAWD. 100 bux isnt even THAT much and its not like I dont fucking do housework around the FUCKING HOUSE
Yes, Dad asked me to vacuum the house for 100 bux, it doesnt seem like much, I know, but you know what? I fucking do a SHIT load more than that. Just yesterday, Helped dad bring that damn couche up for Marc, helped bring the fucking armuoar up for YOU, and fucking moved Dana's couche into YOUR new room and you say I do NOTHING to earn this money? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Okay, Lets make a list of what I do...and compare it to your "I can get people to come into the house and clean for 80 bucks"
1) I do all the heavy moving with Dad.
2) Wash Dishes
3) Dry Dishes
3) Washrooms
4) Vacuum
5) General tiding
6) Help cook
And the god damn list goes on.
Now...Lets see how much a Mover, Dish Washer, Dryer, Washroom cleaner, maid, and cook would cost...
A LOT FUCKING MORE THAN 10 FUCKING DOLLARS A FUCKING WEEK. NOT TO MENTION THAT I DONT ASK FOR THE MONEY WHEN DAD FORGETS TO GIVE IT TO ME. AND ITS FUCKING CHRISTMAS FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! ITS NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO GO BUY STUFF FOR MYSELF!!! ITS ALL FOR OTHER PEOPLE!!! OTHER PEOPLE GET CHRISTMAS BONUSES, WHY THE FUCK CANT I?!
Yes, it IS your house that I'm living in, but you know what, I'd like to see a house keeper work for 10 dollars a week even if they are getting food and shelter doing all the shit I'm doing. Ya ya ya, I get benefits, but again, its CHRISTMAS, I'm NOT doing this for myself, I'm doing it to make other people happy and you cant fucking let me?! Fucking grinch, go steal christmas from the people I care about then. For fuck's sake, 100 FUCKING dollars. Not even that much...BITCH!@!# @Q%*Rofovgsdt

Side note:
I dont feel like I fit in anywhere anymore.
With different groups, i have no clue where I belong anymore...for a while I thought I knew...but I feel distant now. From all groups, i feel so distant. I dont like things right now. Christmas was supposed to be a break, a fun time...but now...its just a shit hole. Friends, Family, go ahead, FUCK ME OVER. Well, family has, and I'm not exactly happy with friends right now. So...whatever. I just want to...go somewhere far far away, and get away from EVERYTHING. Life is such a fucking bitch right now. O yes..not naming names, but some fucking RETARD made a horrible attempt at a joke yesterday, which was SO crossing the WRONG line. There are not that many things I am so sensitive about, but a LOT of people dont know about this, I dont kno HOW you learned about it, but OBVIOUSLY its not something I'm proud of, and I dont like it haunting me because it has almost nothing to do with me. Sometimes people really need to keep their fucking mouths shut. I swear, next time someone says something like that, I'll fucking shut their mouth for them. Mind you, if I do, they wont be able to talk anymore, but hey, that might be an improvement on their social life. Maybe I'm just being bitter right now from my fucking retard ass of a mother, but that really DID piss me off, although i TRIED to laugh it off and be 'nice'...no more, it gets me fucking no where. No point in being nice. No one seems to give a rats ass, the whole do onto others thing, doesnt work. I might as well just be a complete asshole, not that I'm not already.

Ahh...
I hate being such a pussy..
Its not very becoming of me..
..............................
AFS(F(AR
Tomorrow...I can do it...or maybe Dumcat had a good idea...wait til after...see if its still there...I'm sure it will for me...but her...iuno...i hope so...or was it ever? I'm an idiot.

Lighter Note:
LOTR WAS AMAZING...WOW...
But theatre was fucking hot...too many ppls...and they smell too...
but hot diggitiy that was amazing..
All I gota say is Water beats you ALL..
ALL!!!!...ALL...

Last day of school tomorrow...I'm gonna go to school for a bit...see some ppl...namely...not naming names =P but ya, then goin xmas shoppins...Last minute, sexah~ Then gota go to Jimmy's place..
FACK i didnt get my secret santa nething...yet...FACK...shoot me.
I'm out. latah

I dun wana apply to University
So scared I aint gettin in...frig.
I gota but still...DAMNIT
o well...tired, sleep

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhalfy[af
I did nothing today...i really should have...meh.
maybe apply for U...but too lazy...meh
tomorrow is another day.

Newayssssss...
Was lookni at FFX-2 pix n stuff today. Mighty sexy.
Check it out ------------> HERE <--------------

Almost done xmas cards, expect them to be handed out tomorrow, or the next day...preferably the next.
See the prototype of the xmas card -----------------> HERE <-----------------

Moo ha ha~
I'm outtah heressss~

Gawd...
My hands are tired from writing xmas cards...
I think I'm half done though...
I'm tired and annoyed...sorrie to some ppl for the crappy cards..
some of them have REALLY bad pix...hahaha...sorrie. Plus the whole sucking at drawing..
oy hands hurting...
I'm an idiot to have made so many cards for all my semi-friends. Not to say that any of you are not worth it...but its just...tiring is all..

I think I'm feeling depressed a bit again. Very cautious of friendships right now too...overanalysing again. Whatever...nothing will matter as long as I have _ _ _ _ here...as a friend or even more...I'd hope the latter of the two...*sigh* but its not girls that are gettin me down...its just friends I guess...iuno why...everything is so difficult at times...i really need an escape, and games no longer give me that...I guess this does. Putting things down for everyone to read. Honestly, I am afraid to write sooo much stuff though. I dun want people getting the wrong idea. Its also scary to think that other people are reading my thoughts and making opinions on them, themselves...but its also comforting to know that some people do come back and care to read. Iuno...Its mostly for me to just get things out...occasionally for me to post things too though =P *sigh* Life is so complicated, its like a crappy rollercoaster. Going up and down up and down up and down until you just wana get off and throw up. oy...
I hope things change over the holidays...doubtful...wun have some good friends here to share it with...
o well...here's hoping.

Friggin blogger..
Screw up my posts..
Well, I was mad at my mom earlier, she annoyed me more.
but meh, watever..
i was feelin a bit depressed today...i think i'm suffering from withdrawl...heheh...didnt see her today..or talk...
iuno, maybe...or maybe i'm just being a dumbass~
either way.
i'm dead tired.
outtah here

Friday the 13th..
Ooooooo...AHHH....
...
Is over.
Nothing scary happened or whatever, didnt even feel like a friday 13th~
Too xmas-ie

Neways, today we pretty pointless as far as school goes. Skipped 3rd, teacher didnt even mark me absent. 4th boring, 5th more boring. After school however, I had lots of energy. hahaha. I was yellin n whatever, its fun to just go round yellin being weird =P
Baby Pixie's skull was giving me the energy, hahah. Teachers were funny, coming up to me asking.."Did you make that?" (says the AY art teacher) and "Is that the science departments?" (say the head of the science department)

Anyway..
Watched Mr. Deeds wit Jess n showed her some FF while waiting for spencer/julie to make up their minds...to eventually ditch us. bastards~
o well, i think imma go shopping tml...gotta go xmas shoppins~

I'm out, latahs~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aside from Hamlet, i had a good day =)

I'm easily excited and hap-ified. (My new word, sexy no?) Not to mention I'm easily angered, but thats besides the point considerin I'm happy now~
Maybe I should do some math homework...and then read some english novel...Hummm...We'll see =)

Just hope this mood can last for me =)
Lovely day today too...I didnt even need to wear my jacket on the way home!

I enjoy having the rest of the week off...basically. Maybe I'll skip and go Xmas shoppin for ppls =) I kno what I'm gettin some ppls. Yeah =)

Luck to poor dumcat n Jess with their physics cars...poor guys been workin so hard on it >_<
I am SOOo glad I didnt take physics...mwahahah
Kicks ass to have english (which is hell) with relatively easy courses....i would die if I had it with others.
English is the biggest bitch...did I mention that before?

Unfortunately...I havent got english with many friends.Not that Mandy Flora n Karen arent friends, just not the same as last year english >_< that was SOOOOOOOOOOO amazing...

*sigh*
neways...i'm outtah here, goin do hwk...for the first time in gr. 12...dun dun dun!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AHHHHH
screwed up hamlet...FUCK YOU HAMLET..
O well, i'm done it at least.

You kno what i realize, when I dress like a 'cool guy' (like today, in dressy clothes for hammy), i feel and act more snobby, lol. Some kids block my way when they were turning, i stopped, gave'em a glare-ish evil look, and then kinda...wtf are you doing, get out of my way, i'm more important than you, kinda look, and then moved on. hahhahahaha. It was great though~ I should do it more often, it makes me laugh SOO much in my head..hahaha. I'm psycho.

I'm really obsessed wit the following songs right now:
Ja rule feat Bobby Brown - Thug Lovin'
Nivea feat Jagged Edge - Dont mess with my man
Justin Timberlake - Cry me a river
Dru Hill - These are the times
Shawn Desmond - Shook
B2K feat P. Diddy - Bump, Bump, Bump

Those are my current favourite songs neways...Go d/l'em for me when I come ovah~

Tailz's Tip of the Day: Download the songs above.

Damn you hamlet!! GET THEE TO A NUNNERY...bitch
I hate this play..but I've memorized most of my lines...MOST...but i dun gota memorize all, go me~
i think I'm ready...for those of you who wana laugh at old bradley boy in a lil red riding hood velvet cape and a crown...come to room 301 period 4...hahaha.

Well, i'll be dressing...differently tomorrow...or rather today. Its very...asian 'cool guy' like..hahaha, o well...i dun think i'll need a jacket tomorrow considerin it'll be 6 degrees...maybe i do though...i'm stupid, okay.

STUPID HAMLET>.......................se
ptu aw90e5tuokcjv
okay, i'm done, tomorrow...i will be free...after 4th...SEXY...okay.

Time to get some sleep...i hate acting.

yea yea...
oohh ohh ohh..
yea yea...yea yea...
This girl she got me shook, with her pretty brown eyes, sexy lil thys, the way that she moves just gets to me, keep shaking that thing, n making me sing, she got just what I like, everyday of the week, my baby's so sweet...la la la.

My boredom grows...Neopets can only provide so much relief from boredom..I gota get goin on hwk...FRIG, i hate school...
Why isnt my house monitor working..my dad is trying to fix it right now...frig...WORK, i miss being able to see who's at my door like that..>_<

English is such a bitch, I'm tellin you..HUGE bitch. HUGE...=/

I had a weird dream too...Carolyn me n Vicki (or Julie, not sure) were somewhere up an escalater in my house...and we got sucked into a time warp and went back a few years. We were all...'uh oh' and we couldnt find our way out...then i remembered something from Charmed (haha yes, scary no?) n i was like...well, a time warp wun close until we go back, and it would be in the part we came through first. So we tried to go back up the escalator in my house...but it was built yet back then, so we couldnt get up. Then somehow...I thought lets check my basement, maybe the warp hole is there. So we check, n there was nothing. Somehow I got warped ahead and i was 32 years ahead but Julie/Vicki and Carolyn were stuck in the past and couldnt find the hole i went through. But somehow I was back in the right spot, and i could hear them psychically or smthg..then I woke up feelin all...damn...i left them behind n couldnt help...hahah but then i realized it was a dream n i was fine.

Yeah! I think my monitor works again...Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Gota start working on stupid blocking...i wana write that story already...i gota come up wit a last name sometime soon..meh, i'll think later.

Moo moo moo mooo......
School is evil...but I think I can handle it for now...minus the whole English play. I hate english...GEH! Its so annoying...so very very annoying..
I wish I had my old english group...hehehe...Nathan, Julie, Cynthia, Tiff Yau, Keith...hahahah soooooooooo much fun...frig...The good old days...of nathan pretending he's a sex radio show host and Keith a gay starved for sex boy..
hahahahah i miss those days...
*sigh* Gr. 11 was sooo much easier...this year is such a pain...and people are such a pain this year...iuno why...everything just seems to be caving in on me this year. Somehow I manage to stand up and I can hold the cave up for a while...but its slowly breakin round me...*sigh* And eventually...we'll be leaving the cave n goin to unversity leaving it in ruins...Its sad really...maybe I should really try harder to be nicer to people..what ever happened to those days...hahah...iuno...you know what i wish...I wish I was one of those really hot guys, that everyone liked, n was really popular n didnt have to worry bout friends cause...life would be so much more simple...Yes I know popularity doesnt solve anything...but it just eliminates a whole category that I wouldnt have to worry about...heh...n looks would keep me happy too =P O well, i guess thats just not the way life goes. Gota be satisfied wit being an ugly not so popular person..lol Hard time acceptin that. Okay, maybe not UGLY, but not good lookin...just OKAY...but i just dun like settling for avg...its a piss off...9tu waosetjdmf...you kno what else sucks? Nice guys finishing last...piss off again...ehhhh...I guess thats life though...okay, now I'm gonna go lay down cause my head feels heavy n I'm tired.

Gawd damn english,..
Sooooooooo much to read...This book is EVIL btw...EVIL...PURE EVIL...
In the skin of the lion...
I've read the first few pages...and I cant continue..
I hear about loggers coming into the forest, then leaving.
Then I hear about a boy and his gay moths
Then I hear about how a boy, Patrick, saves a cow in ice with his father and some rope or smthg? oo la di dah...BORING...
Well, MAYBE it'll get better, it better get better...wow I just used better 3 times...hehe..

Also, Fatez, yer teacher's evaluation thing for essay...RETARDED...BEYOND RETARDED...i feel bad for you.

Dumcat...*pat pat* yer car will work...gimme a ring-a-ding-a-ling or msg if you need any help. I'll do my best.

English is a bitch, The end

Hhahahahahaha...
I'm an idiot everyone =)
I am never showing my face in 'Jungle' bubble tea place...hahahaha....FRIG!!
I cut my leg on the glass I broke..AHAHHAHAHAHA...
Yes, I broke a glass....like last time I split my stupid drink.......*sigh* I'm stupid~!~!~
....hahahahahaha............hahahaha...
When you said...Break a glass brad, in the car jess...i took it to heart..lol...
FRIG
i'm an idiot, might as well just get a stamp that says "HAZARD" and put it on my forehead...hahaha...
so[9 e90a75ujdkxc
ANYWAY...
Had a funnie time watchin Dumcat do his physics car...hahahahah...gotta learn to familiarize yourself with tools!
And you also suck at Tetris!!! la la lala. well, Jes smight suck more...she got beaten by you...lol

Other than this stuff, not a very eventful day...

Btw, watched end of Evangelion...and i'm SO confused...ending of the series was ass. ASS. ASS I SAY..
I'm done~

Evangelion got me thinkin...
What is happiness? When will I be happy? Am I happy? Whats going on...DAMN YOU WITH THE DEEPNESS!! But it is an amazing anime...hahah. Frig...its posed a few hundred good questions...When WILL I be happy? What makes me happy? Getting what I want? No...definately not...but I came to the conclusion...that I will be happy, when I am convinced that I have helped the world in at least 1 way. Or if I influenced and helped people for the better I guess...but I dun think that'll happen for a while...but at least I have something to work towards right? yes, i sound like a complete goodie goodie nerdie do gooder...and however unbelievable it sounds...its true. I really do think that this is the most important thing to do. When I was thinking bout this question, I thought...if I died tomorrow, would I have died happy? The answer is an obvious no, but not because I didnt get to do sooo many things, its because I know I would be leaving soooo many things behind that needed fixing, that I could have at least tried to fix. Whether I succeeded or not is a different story, but at least I gave it a try right? I do really want to help people and help people become better people as well as helping myself become a better person. Not that I'm above or below anyone here. Its not about power here, its about (how cheesy does this sound) making the world a better place. I cant stand this world right now...its so sickening how everyone is selfish and so inconsiderate...and I want to change it..hehh...some people probably think I'm an idiot for thinking I can change the world...but to them I say FUCK YOU. I can do whatever I want, I know I can, so piss off.

Yes...my little thing I was thinkin bout this morning..

Dumcat...
Sorrie for sayin stuff bout 'him'...i guess i kinda said it...harshly...I guess I've kinda been on a selfish tangent lately...I'll hopefully get back to my roots soon...but you know that all I say is my care for you. I just really dont want to see you get hurt more than you are already...but I wont stand in your way anymore, if you want me to shut up bout him...i will. Also sorrie that we dont 'bond' all of us...our circumstances are different than other groups though...so dont beat yourself up for that. I kno it'd be ideal to be sooo close...but I guess we all just...arent that great. We're tight, but not...bonded i guess. I've always wanted that myself too...but comparing your group to other groups will just end up in wanting more...and like the quote i was sayin earlier, "Its not having what you want, its wanting what you've got" applies here...I DO want to have everything perfect n happy, but i gota accept things wun be ideal...I'm also sorrie that I havent been supportive of yer dancing...I'm really just joking around with yuo with that stuff...sorrie if it hit a nerve...its not like any of us could do a better job, so keep up the good work man.

Buck up, things'll get better, they always do. Although life may have its ups n downs, it keeps coming right back round...so dun worrie, you kno i'm here for you always.

Rudolph the red nose reindeer...had a very shiny nose...and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows =P

Well, my Christmas tree is up!! Thx for the help jess~~ It is really pretty right now =P heheheh =) I have the house all to myself tonight basically, but i'm sure my sister will come home soon, so I cant walk around naked...like dumcat...hehe =P Charmed was a re-run tonight guys...booooooooooooo...but at least got to put up Xmas tree~ I couldnt help thinkin bout the future though...like...if i'd be doing this with my kids n wife...and how fun it would be to start my own tree n everything...gawd I'm gay like that sometimes...frig. Stupid future! Makes me think...boooooooooooooooooo... Speaking of thinking...I'm thinking i was pretty obvious tonight...I wonder if that person noticed...*sigh* why are things so complicated....I dun think they are, its probably all in my head...well, regardless, things will happen, and i'm sure it'll turn out for the best. So I'll ride this out...frig, i think i'm really...starting to like...things.

Anyways...Today was relatively productive, being a good thing. But I'm beat tired...gota start reading "In the skin of the lion" *sigh* english work is such a bitch..Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................................................I'm sooooo confuseddddddd...mixed signals...my intellegence drops when I'm thinkin like this...yes, i know I'm not making sense...but i think some people know what i'm talkin bout...well, i think they do...maybe i'm being too vague...its bout 4. My 4...=/ FAOIHR89w35r y9ashfnkxcf09asuorjfl

I gota stop being such a retard bout this stuff, okay, shuttin up now guys =P
Latahs~!~

The world is a fucking retarded place...RETARDED...I hate school...I really dislike people in school too...*sigh* most people know who. Minus the people who I dun like, ahahah. Funny no? I think its funny. I actually enjoy it too. Its the whole...keep your friends close, and enemies even closer...I actually kinda see a use for that in day to day life context...*evil grin*...well, added a few people now, took some off, added them again. I get annoyed easily...by many many people...and there is something in my eye...so i am typing with my eyes closed...sorrie for spelling errors...aghablahgablahgadah!!

I'm very upset with a certain someone...not naming names...for my sake of keeping enemies closer. but GAWD...honestly, gross person...looking and sanitarily...not to mention a bitch! Frig...iuno...I thought i was over a lot of the persons crap, but i guess i'm not...FRIG. People are such rotten dirty gross disgusting foul wretched filthy pieces of decaying flesh! UGH! I'm annoyed with this world, I want a new one. Go colonize mars...or better yet pluto...get away from this hell hole...buieha 9[8aywe t9yadgoihaet]09aw35t9ydvnk

On a lighter note, Charmed is on tomorrow, yeah!
The only joy in my life...cept...someone...

On an even lighter note, my mommy made ginger bread men/angels/girls, gonna go eat some, YEAH!...world still stinks btw

YEAH!!
Done this EVIL week..its pure evil and its dead. DEAD..
Next week is just as evil...only 1 project, but its evil regardless, i have to act...UGH...acting is the biggest bitch...O wait...i have a math project soon...FRIG
IT NEVER ENDS!! >_<
O well, i have time to kill now neways..
...no i dont, going to go do some math work..
i still have 2 weeks for it, but its big...gleh.

Okay...One test down...only Data Test and Bio Seminar left in the week..
Plus english gay ass work..
GAY ASS WORK
FUCK YOU ENGLISH =) FUCK YOU HARD!!! =)
Lalalalaala.
I'm tired...
And hungry...so I go make food, go study Data, then go do english...then study data...and that should be all.
I CANT WAIT TO FINISH THIS WEEK...>_<
I need to drink after...hint hint dumcat...HINT HINT
HUGE HINT...=)

heh...
well, i finished my gawd damn english essay.
Read 200 pgs of a AMAZINGLY boring book over the weekend and managed to spew out a 1000 word essay on it.

Incase some of you were wondering, yes I was upset today in bio..
Why you ask?
Well, let me tell you.
I go out of my way, and go and help people so they can be happy. I do this frequently, you ask me to do something (within reason) and I'll go do it despite the negative consequences that happen to me. Generally speaking. But when I ask you guys to do something for me, what do I get? No, nothing. It was a fucking simple task to do too. The thing that also got me, was even while I was doing my english essay last night at...1am, I was STILL trying to help people through something...the degrees of success were variable, and also irrelevent. Point is, I was doing the biggest essay of grade 12, and I was trying to help people at the same time. Do I expect this in return all the time? No, certainly not. Why should I? I understand that everyone has things to do, and there life is important to them. But a LITTLE favour now and then from friends would be greatly appreciated. I can live with the fact that I'm under-appreciated, and I can even live with the fact that treating people the way you want to be treated doesnt work. But would it KILL my FRIENDS to go and do something nice for me? Maybe I'm just being ignorant, and I dont notice little things you do, but god knows you dont notice little things I do. We're all in stressful times, so I'm just going to leave this as it is, and suck up whats left of my pride, and go on with life. I cant expect everyone to care at one time, I guess it was wishful thinking that some of my closest friends would do a lil favour for me. Meh. I guess thats it. I'll be fine tomorrow, so dun worrie about asking me about this, i'd prefer not to hear about this. Just take it for what it is, a warning almost. Maybe its just because of my stressing week that I've turned to focus on soemthing rather than studying. I guess its just nice to have support from your friends occasionally rather than only BEING the supporter.

Let me clarify something too, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. This topic is officially closed, I dont want to hear a word of it.

*deep breath*
Okay, so now that that is off my chest, I think I will go do some studying because I havent even OPENED my fucking biology textbook or notebook for the stupid Bio test tomorrow...fucking English...and my english group for Shakespear, SUCKS. Some people are okay, but gawd fucking damn, I dun like some ppl in my group.

Into the land of work and study...but first...food, my stomach is growling.

	summoner a mage with the will to summon monsters. empathetic; skillful; reserved
[Final Fantasy Tactics Job Class]

Interesting...I dun like summoners...why cant I be a...White Mage, or a...Ninja.
Pfft, meh
Back to work~

It feels weird not to have anything to be mad about...or to think about..
Well, I do think about things, but most of them arent for public ears...most people know about this already...but I dun want too many people knowing, or else I'll get all retarded again...so to save myself, i'll keep my big mouth shut for now.

I'm tired now...very tired...and tomorrow I will wake up and write a essay...a huge important essay...doesnt that sound like SO much fun? I pissed away a few hours doin not much just not...neopets is very distracting...damn you *shakes fist*

I should really sleep now, cause I really do have to do that stupid essay tomorrow, so I will go.

Boo hoo..

Tailz's Tip of the Day: Meh...

Dreams.

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