Thoughts and stuff like that -- Happy Halloween!
Wow, I've been so busy lately cause of school junk and work that I've neglected my poor little blog.
So what has gone on in the passed few weeks? I'm not really sure to be honest, hahaha. Things have been happening, just nothing extremely blog-worthy. I did however get some weird application for some call centre that says it would pay $25/hour. You only provide customer support apparently, and you're guarenteed $2,500 US monthly. How does that work exactly...? I'm not sure, I think I'll e-mail just to check it out. I mean, if its a crappy job, I dont have to stick with it and I'll get to see what its about. I'm not anticipating too much out of it, hahaha.
Keira is doing amazing as well. She's about 13lbs now at about 2months! She's such a little chubster! Her new nickname is "Bean" cause she looks like a little bean! She's gonna be soooo pretty when she gets older! Already with the long eyelashes, hahah!
So as usual I'm at school early waiting for class to start...class that I dont really feel like going to cause midterms just ended, but whatever. It'll be good, learning bout "intacepshion"...lol (hahhaa, I'm so mean!)
So, everything is pretty alright right about now. I mean, somethings could be better, I'll admit, but all in all, I'm good.
Man...my hair is bugging me...GROW ALREADY! Okay, the end :P
Wee! Hydrology Midterm done!
Yay! One down, two to go! I'm so glad that this one is done...the one that confused me the most. Should do pretty well on it too! Yay! :)
Here's something Cheryl sent me, and since I'm bored waiting for Andrew between classes, i'll do it.
1. What time is it? 1:45pm
2. What is your name? Brad Andrew Young
3. Mother's name? Lily Young
4. What is your favourite drink? Taro Bubble Tea..I think...:)
5. Tattoos? Nah.
6. How much do you love your job-scale of 1 to 10: 2...sometimes more, depending on the people that come in.
7. Birthplace: Toronto :)
8.Favorite vacation spot? Anywhere with a nice beach...mmmm...beach.
9. Ever been to Africa ? Nah, not yet. (Lets go work in Africa Cheryl! Our highschool plan will be fulfilled!)
10. Stolen any traffic signs? Nope, but contemplated stealing a sign from a church...is that bad? :(
11. Ever been in a car accident? Does it count if I was in one while someone else was driving?...
12. Croutons or Bacon bits? Either or, kinda insignificant to me.
13. 2 Door or 4 Door car? Umm...a car, period
14. Salad Dressing? Mm...that japanese one...or raspberry one...:)
15. Favourite Pie: Lemon meringue...sooo good.
16. Favourite Number? 3
17. Favourite Movie Comedies: Clueeee
18. Favourite Color? Light blue...dark blue..blue...white...yah i know, really gay. Shaddup! :p
19. Favorite Holiday? Christmas! Happy times with family and gifts...who wouldnt want that? :P
20. Favourite Food? Good question...Lobster?
21. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, when I dont have a sense of impending doom for the next day, and I can relax and do nothing on the day. ^^
22 . Favourite body soap? I guess Dove...? No really preference
23. Favourite TV show? Psh, like you need to ask, NEXT!
24. Toothpaste? Whatever..?
25. Most recently read book? The Principles of Hydrology...sigh. I dont read enough.
26. Favourite Smell? The smell of someone special, no one in particular, just when you have that person..their smell is the best.
27. What do you do to relax? Sleep, play games, MSN, Eat, Watch TV...well, i do that even when i'm not relaxed...:)
28. When was your last hospital visit? Umm...2months ago? But that was to visit baby keira!! Woo hoo Keira!
29. Message to your friends reading this: Why are you reading this...dont you have something better to do? Clearly not...do it too so I dont feel like such a loser procrastinating my studying for Family Socio....DOOoo ITTttt..
30. How do you see yourself in 10 years? I best be married and having a career. Or else I'll be at the bottom of Lake Ontario. Wait, I take that back, Lake Ontario is sewage central. Bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
31. What do you do when you are bored? Isnt this question similar enough to 27...jeez. Same things as 27. + Twiddling my thumbs.
32. What presents do you enjoy receiving? Anything anyone gives. Its the thought that counts. *insert "awwwwwww"*
Wow, this was a short one...kinda boring...I should add for 31 writing these things...cause...damn. Man...well, at least it killed sometime without actually being productive! Wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!
Okay, this is done for now. Wee~
Wow, I need to stop.
Honestly...me and my over active conscience...
Just...stop. I feel bad if I quit my job...but it sucks, but i feel bad because I know my boss needs people, and he's gonna be sooooooooooooo mad if I quit...but I want to move onto other things...
I know he's not a nice man by any means...but I still feel bad. I dont like screwing people over even if they screw me and everyone else over. I dont feel like I should be acting on my judgements. I mean, its bad enough that I'm judging him.
But why am I looking out for his best interests over mine? I dont know...because he's my boss? I think that's why...and I was hired to do a job...which looks out for his interests...and I feel obligated to fill that...? I'm clearly just bullshiting and I dont know why I feel this way. F-ing s....
Somebody stop me.............................................!
Bad day...
So today really sucked...like really sucked...things have been really sucking for a few weeks or so, but this will be the end of it.
Things have sucked, and its just been me paying for what I've done wrong in the past. I mean, I know I should have worked harder in school, and I know I should have been nicer and I know I should have been more careful with somethings.
So I'm ready to be back to school and ready to get going so I dont screw up again. Things are repairable, it takes time, but they'll be fixed. The proper things will be cherished, and my priorities will be taking a shift.
So no more wallowing in my own self-pity, its time to get things organized and care more about my own thing. I need to get back to my usual self, get these pessimistic thoughts out of my head and just find the good in things again. Life is so dull and lifeless when I feel completely pessimistic...I enjoyed the little bit of pessimism to keep me grounded, while still having my positive thinking to keep things looking beautiful. I'm not gonna sit here and wait for fate to make me get out of this rut.
I'll do it myself.
Wow, Post 925!
Wow, i've almost hit 1000, what the hell is that? lol..
So anyways, looks like I will be entering hermit mode soon, due to the upcoming midterms. I will find a nice quiet hole to dig myself into and stay with a flashlight and my textbooks, notes and computer.
In other news, Keira's party went swimmingly. The house is all cleaned up, kitchen is fully functional. Because the kitchen is functional now, the living room will no long hold our pots/pans and other kitchen utensils, and the family room will no long have our kitchen table, along with several random cupboards, and my basement will no longer be hiding the dining room chairs. It was kinda crazy having over 70 people in and out of my house, standing around, chatting it up, hovering around baby Keira as if she were Jesus. After...somehow, I ended up drinking some alcohol with my Lori, Mommy and Dana's boyfriend John. How odd that someone would get drunk with family members? Okay, well I wasnt drunk exactly, but I was buzzed, and daaaaaamn red. Pretty hilarious.
I'm really tired though...been working on this lab all day and I'm not sure how the graphs turned out...stupid log function on excel...why are you so strange?! Maybe I should just do it the other way too...just incase...tomorrow morning I will then.
I have so many other things on my mind distracting me from school work. I need to just seperate my emotional mind from my schooling mind...cause those really just dont mix well. My head is spinning in worry, and doubt one moment, and spinning back to being optumistic, idealistic and hopeful. It seems to be a constant struggle going on inside this little space I call a brain inside me. I just gota leave all this drama behind me and move on...jeez. Where's my white knight? Oh right...thats me. *sigh*
(Okay, I need to stop being such a pessimistic bitch. Slap me someone)
Today.
So, I woke up, went for a run with KL...who needs to work on her running cause...dayam, what happened to our 20min runs?! This lasted about 10min, so I did a little sprinting at the end to make me feel better...well, better in the sense that I would have worked more. I ended up feeling worse and exhausted, but meh :P
So yah, the point of that whole thing was to yah know, get back into shape since slacking in the summer and what not. I told KL that I'd make her breakfast when we got back to my place. Planned on making my new amazing omelettes, but alas, we were out of mushrooms. So we made french toasts and I cut up some fruit and made some smoothies. We decided, this is pretty, lets take a picture...but my phone isnt uploading probably right now...so i'll put it up later.
In other news, I'm really getting back into the swing of things for school. I really missed having biology last year, because...well, bio150 blew and was more ecology then anything. I'm loving physiological psychology cause my prof is good, and its biology again! Sodium potassium pumps, action potenials, acetylcholine...god I missed that stuff. Wow, I'm a nerd...hahhaa, shit.
I was sorta thinking about trying to be the captain of the volleyball intramurals at school...but I dont think I have enough time to dedicate to that, especially if I do get to go back to Karate this year. I miss Sensei Kwong, I should really just go visit him. I wonder how the new black belts are doing? I wonder if I'd be able to compete with them still...cause shit, I've had like 3 years off and lost quite a bit of flexiblity...>_<
Sigh, this weekend is so packed too, and Dana might go beach volleyball and I wana go! Grrr...but nooo, work gets in the way...sigh. At least this weekend is Keira's 1month party and family time, yay! I should quit my job before this weekend so I can at least have this weekend off...hahaha...sigh...damn conscience.
Good start.
You know, having a good start to your day really makes the rest of the day go more smoothly. I mean, today for instance, I stopped by a timmy ho's to get something to eat this morning while reading my East Asia at the Centre textbook, and I put it down and ordered some soup, the server was very nice and very pleasent. Talked about east asian studies with me and how he enjoys working beside the university (though he's rather old to be working at Timmy Ho's, he seems to have a bright outlook on life which I find very refreshing!). I do enjoy Timmy Ho's, it's nice and cheap and their food is good. Coffee isnt comparable to Second Cup, but really, who cares about coffee (says the coffee shop worker...who wants to quit)
So I sat outside Sid Smith and had my soup and most of my scone. Some birds came onto to the table and I gave'em some of my scone, it was just a nice relaxing morning where things didnt seem like they were as shitty as they can be. It's especially nice to have a morning like this after a bad day at work the night before :)
Lately though, I have been feeling the gloom more so than usual. I'm sure it will pass and I just gota live it out and let it take me away to my sad corner at times, but then I'll come back and be happy and watch Charmed! hahaha. I kid...sorta :P I think it'd be interesting to have a sad corner to cry in, hahahaha. Nah, it's all good though, I mean, I just feel detached cause of school and everything, I need to get back into the swing of things. At least I'm sort of in the school groove, and thank god for that. I've misplaced my other grooves, but hopefully I'll be finding them again in a bit. Can't wait to get out of this little rut that I'm feeling.
Oh wells, it'll clear up in a few days I'm sure~! Until then I will be reading, and trying to relax. I'm enjoying these little happy moments I'm having here and there though. It's like that little silver lining that keeps your spirits up.
Bleh.
Ever feel like you cant talk to some of the people closest to you and just need a stranger/outsider's input?
For fear of being judged for your thoughts, ridiculed because you know your thoughts are different from those of your friends, and they may not interpret it the same way? Or just you get tired of burdening them with the same shit over and over again? I know everyone would say "Oh, it's not a burden." but it always feels insincere. I dont want to be holding things inside, but sometimes you just dont want to rain on someone's parade or disrupt their course of life, I mean, yah, friends will stop for you, but they shouldnt have to be expected to. I mean, I would do that for a friend if its expected or not, but I would never want to impose that on my friends.
Sometimes people tell me that I should let it out, and just tell everyone to lift the burden off myself...but I feel bad doing that because there can be a lot of shit that I could lay out to be shared, that is probably better left on my back rather than theirs. I mean, some shit I feel just gets repetitive and I'm sure people would be annoyed by it, so why would I wana make other people annoyed and sharing a burden.
Okay, I bet I sound like a huge idiot right now...but I dont care. This sounds like a cry for attention too...but it isnt...at least I dont think it is. Maybe subconsciously, it is, because I would really want someone to share stuff with that doesnt make me feel bad for telling them the shit over and over...I mean, not that they do something outward to make me feel bad, I just feel bad on my own accord because I can feel the sigh of..."Why arent you over this yet?" type thing. I mean, I know it's there...cause I can be like that sometimes too...maybe I'm looking for something that doesnt exist.
Sigh. Oh wells, here's hopin'
One of those moments.
So I just had one of those moments that you'd see on TV, one of those happy moments before like...someone rushes into your kitchen and shoots you. Though clearly that didnt happen, I was just cooking an omelette in my kitchen, the sun was shining through the window and the birds were chirping. The radio was playing happy songs, I was dancing around (yes, very gay of me, I know) chopping up ingredients, putting them together and into the mix, all the while singing. No one was home, just me, on a sunny saturday morning.
I mean, I could totally see this being in some sorta TV show, while someone is stalking in the bushes waiting to strike, hahaha...but yah, other than that, it was an awesome moment. I havent felt that relaxed and care free for a long long time. It all went to shit later, cause I had to read and do work, but hell, the morning was good and thats what matters. ^^
