Online World
Its a strange place.
I had a nice little peep into the world of Gaia again today to see the former stupidity I have purged myself of. Now THAT is a world of dellusions. I mean, alright, people are going around pretending to use the magic they would like to have in the real world, but dont, because they cant. People are there, knowing only what people choose to show, making them seem like the people they want to be, when in reality, they arent. Its just a world of semi-make believe. Its appealing in a sense, to escape from the real world into a world where you and everyone is what they want to be.
I guess I never realised the importance of...BODY LANGAUGE, HAH! (sorrie, little mermaid thing going on there) hahaha, but honestly, body langauge and tone of voice are very very important to actually interpret who's a good or bad person etc etc. I mean, you can type anyway you wana online. Hell, I could pretend to be the cutest thing ever in time by adding little things in my typing that infers that I am therefore cute. Adding S's to the ends of words where it shouldnt be, or adding 'ies' or just changing words around to seem like you're saying in a cute baby tone.
Man...I'm just really quite glad i'm gone from there. Realising my past stupidity, I mean, its all good to have some friends online and just talk or whatever. But nothing totally indepth online, because there is NO depth to the online society. All thats there is millions of fantasies and millions of more loners who can only connect through the internet. hahahah, I kid. I know there are millions of people who just dont care and are on it for the hell of it and just wana talk on occasion or whatever, but there are the hardcores, who you know need to get out into the world.
They arent bad people per say, but they need to go out and explore the world outside the computer screen a little more. I mean, I used to feel all cramped up and just wanted to stay in my little fantasy world of magic and fun-ness, but then I really needed to get a job, and get out with my friends and crap, so I did and stopped going on, and I feel healthy again.
I dont even know why I'm typing about this, I'm just blurting out thoughts and what not, I really dont give a care about the people who wana live their lives online, they can do that if they wana. "Whatever floats your boat~"
So in conclusion, I am going to have some dumplings, shower, and then laugh myself to sleep :)
Learning from the mistakes of others.
Really quite a useful skill I have there. Listening to what other people do bad, then making a mental note, "Do not do that or else this will happen." Really kinda nice. Also learning from what some people do to others. Some say that they are 'close friends'. Do they mean this? Really, I mean, they've talked to each other for so long, but then something else comes and poof you're suddenly non-existent?
Well, that very well may not be true, and I'm also aware that this is a two way street as I have not made any effort to communicate, but this is almost besides the point. It seems if we are to actually do something, I must be the one to communicate. Why? When we are both good friends? Best even? Same with the other 'best' friends, or so we're called. Granted, two way street, but puh-lease, we can only take so much.
I do sadly learn that you can only be so close with so many people. I struggle between 4 people, I remember struggling between 10 people, and that really didnt work. Now, struggling between 4, and its just as bad. Its a different level of closeness, and its hard to keep when its different groups. Well, I do try to keep in touch with other friends, but its just not possible when you're having so much fun with one group of friends. Then you lose touch with the others and such and such, but I try not to because its an assly thing to do, I've learned this the hard way, over and over.
So why do I struggle still? To be a nice guy? Hurrah. Nice guys finish last, and thats the truth. I havent got the guts/courage to actually tell someone what I think about them. I ask myself why, and my answer is "Because its not nice." or "Because its mean." What the hell kinda reason is that? I dont know.
Many people need a good telling off, and many are going un-told off because people dont want to be 'mean' or want to be 'nice'...bullshit I say.
I think from now on I will try to be more honest and still try to be nice at the same time. You can tell people that they're being stupid and still be nice about it if you use the right words. So this is my new resolution. Go communication. Rah.
Parents.
Well, dont get me wrong, I love them and all, but sometimes they can be sooo irritating.
I mean, alright, my mom is all "SAVE YOUR MONEY" blahb alhb alh, and I've made like waht...1400 over the passed few months? Really not a lot, and I have saved it all save one big splurg which was only 150 or something. Then add in presents, dinners, movies, I have 1000 something left. So in total I've spent maybe 400? And that was in like a few weeks. And she's telling me SAVE YOUR MONEY, blahb albh albhalb albh ablhab. Really not cool. I know what to do thanks :)
Sadly I only get one year of Res paid by my parents, then I'm 'On my own'. I'd LOVE to be 'On my own' assuming I had a good job to actually be able to sustain myself at Res, but really not. Maybe I should do that bartending thing...I'd make a LOT more money than I do at Second Cup, and then I would possibly be able to sustain myself completely. Otherwise I'd need a nicer job. If I am to save money for next year res, then I'll have to get a new job definately.
At least if I go into bartending I have experience in serving drinks already right? Just more drink recipes to add to my repertoire...It'd be good, tiring, but good. Especially if I'm downtown anyways...Also very great that all bars/clubs are going smoke-free June 1st! So I wont feel like dying! :)
Ya, anyways, I should sleep, gotsa go make more money tomorrow~
Found it!
"To know is to know you know nothing."
- Confucious
Random Thoughts...again...again.
So I just finished watching "High School Reunion" Hahahha, a funnie show I thought was going to be horrible because...well, they set up a bunch of high school stereotypes together...which seemed as though it would be messy and I assumed that they would all be stupid and non-accepting, prideful losers stuck without change, but I was proven wrong! My optumism grows after watching this show. I think I'll watch the "After Math" of it after next sunday :P
I'm glad that everything for everyone there worked out :) Its really...satisfying to see that people who were such asses in high school could change and become mature and decent loving kind people! I'm so pleased. Well, I should have expected that people would mature and grow up, but we'll see. Everyone is slowly growing up, despite how mature they may think they are. I know I'd like to think I'm mature, but I know I'm not.
I forgot the exact saying, but its something like...
"A wise man knows he's not wise"
Something to that effect.
Very good thing to know.
Random Thoughts
So I was thinking about what Nathan said a while back, why people write blogs.
He thought that people did it so other people would read it and know what went on in their day. I guess some people do that, but thats retarded, I agree with Nathan in that respect. But thats just generalizing all bloggers/LJers. I know I dont do it just so people know whats going on, hell, I dont want people to know whats going on in my life, it gives you nothing to talk about really. I just like posting random thoughts, though I will occasionally post a really fun day I had with reference to the person I had it with so that we can remember how great it was, not really for other people.
But anyway, that question lead to the question, why do people read blogs?
Some people are interested in reading them for pure enjoyment of someones happiness/misery. Some people read it to get an update on their friends, how they're doing, others read it for malicious reasons, but thats stupid, and others read it because they like the person and are obsessed. So really, I'm kinda weighing the pro's and con's here of having a public blog.
I mean, you could have the crazies reading it, but you can have your friends for all the good reasons...meh, who cares, too much thinking, I'm just gonna leave it.
Honestly, if people didnt read this, I'd still post most days anyway. I just enjoy reflecting on whats going on :P
Speaking of which, i'm deciding the courses I'm taking at UTSG and its REALLy interesting! I cant wait :) Since I'm in social sci, i have all these wicked courses about psych-like stuff, enviroment stuff, and such! I'm so excited! I can also still take bio! WOo! So I'll have my favourite bio class, then enviro studies, then psych~~ Hell, its like the last sem of high school I had, just more advanced :)
It sounds sooooo fun! I cant wait :)
Lies
I lied.
I'm really not bored now, I'm actually REALLY excited about university :)
I'm going into Social Sci, and I can take Enviro Studies!!! It looks SOOO interesting!! I just read the thing, and I thought of all practical applications for me taking that course!! :)
EXCITED!
Funnie thing happened...
Well...I looked at pictures of someone I know very well...
And I look at them, and I dont recognize them...
Random Thoughts...again.
Ahh...
Damn One Tree Hill, always gets me thinking...
Really quite a good show btw...
Iuno...my life is pretty stable right now, not great, not bad, but good. Honestly though...having no troubles leaves you to a boring boring life. My biggest trouble right now is what? Spending money in University? Big ass deal, I really cant think of anything...
I mean, I'm not going to complain that things are good and I have nothing to worry about because I know thats almost what everyone wants...I know I wanted that before...now I have it and life is...boring. I guess I'm thinking in terms of TV though, which is stupid, because everything is extremely fast forwarded...
I dont know what I'm thinking. I guess I just sorta miss the drama in life, but I also really dont, because drama can really fucking suck.
I dont know what I want...I guess I'm just going to not want anything and let life take me where it takes me.
More Random Thoughts.
Lives really kinda spin in really different directions outside of High School no? Serious, you go read anyones blog or LJ and you see how different things have gotten for people!
I mean, there are people in University, people working, people not doing anything, people doing all of those, and its really kinda neat. I mean...now that we're all outta high school, we're growing up. Becoming adults, becoming self-sufficient, becoming properly educated. Its a HUGE change, but I do enjoy change.
I cant wait to be in University, seperate, but also really not seperate from my parents. Having money, but not using it all because my parents will help. Its a nice little step before going to live on my own fully, having a career, being launched out into the world and such. Sure its scary, and I'll miss the days of joking around and goofing off and such that we all had when we were in high school, but who's to say we cant goof and stuff in a different way when we're older no?
Its sad, the day I actually want more responsibilities :P
I'm really really glad I had this semister off. REALLY glad. I mean...life without school is really kinda weird, and if you're in school the WHOLE time, you really dont realise how good it is, how easy it is, and how fun it can be. I think I have a new zest for learning :P
Not doing it because I 'have' to in order to ensure myself a place in society with the rich and famous, but for myself, to learn, to do well and accomplish things for myself so I can say, "Yo, check it out, I accomplished things!" but also keeping in mind that I always have to have fun along the way. If I dont, what the hell is the point in life?
I really never gave the whole "Live like there's no tomorrow" theory too much thought. I quickly dismissed it as if it was just some stupid saying in a movie, or ya know, things that happen on TV, but not in the real world. I thought about it this semister...and I also thought about 'The meaning of Life' (dun dun dun~~~! So dramatic!!...not) and really, I figure its about simply living. Sureeeeeeeee, its nice to live with money, expensive cars, expensive houses, etc etc etc, but who cares when you're happy?
I really didnt understand that concept until recently. I mean...when people told me that I would think..."Pfft, well, who cares, I want this!!" but then you think about it, and if you truly know the feeling of happiness, then you would be satisfied with just being happy and living in a hut with no power, cars, etc etc etc.
I'm not as totally open minded as I would like to think I am, but thats alright, always something to work on. I mean, I never really thought about some of the things TV tells ya. Ya ya ya ya, TV can be bad, but what about those moral shows and such? They do promote some good values. Though they maybe cliched, who cares? Doesnt mean its bad.
I'm just randomly going on whatever train of thought my mind seems to jump on, so sorrie if this really doesnt make sense :P
So anyways, ya...
Random thoughts :)
Woo hoo~
Accepted by all Universities I applied too, wee :)
Oops!
Forgot to mention that I got into UTSG yesterday :)
Woot for getting in all the things I applied too~~
Brad's Random Thought of the Day - "Vampires"
What is with this random obsession with vampires that everyone is seeming to get? I mean...sure they're "cool" but thats so old. I thought they were cool so long ago, and then that got boring, and everyone started to love them, and now its just so lame!
I mean, dude, you go on Quizilla.com and see almost ALL the quizzes are about vampires! I mean...shit yooooo, is everyone into this whole 'dark' and 'depressed' thing?
Geez, over-done much :P
Poor dark and disturbed individuals without a glimmer of hope for the future. I give you my sympathy.
www.thespark.com
New Quiz thingie...lol...
The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
On paper, most people would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on?
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
Shopping!
Ohhhhhh man...
Christine, that was a classic trip!
Came to a tradgic end with me falling asleep, sorrie ;P
But damnnn...
Lets see...the doors...the sneaking in the subway...the clothessss...the moolah...the trying on...the ooglays...the sexies...the droppage...the spillage...oh the list goes on...the stones!!
Catherine, you must come next time, and hope I spend less moolah next time >_<
Random Thoughts
I find it strange, strange that one person could mean sooo much to someone. Its a very sweet idea, but its still strange. To have someone have such an impact on your life, that you become not two, but one person...
Its beautiful really, but also really quite frightening. The thought of having someone so much a part of your life, losing control, not being able to predict what happens next, risking your heart...all of it is really horrifying actually. But it is worth it I think. Its worth it to be scared, to use an overused metaphor, "Ride the rollercoaster of life".
That crappy metaphor is actually quite accurate I find, at least in love. You risk the scare, and to some extent your life, all for the joy of simply riding. In a certain light, scaring yourself, risking it all is very appealing, in others, not so much :P
Its just strange to see the impact of a person on another person's life. Its great to have some reaffirm things you'd like to think about yourself, but when it comes down to it, you really are only two people, not one, no matter how it feels, and you'll always need to keep your individualism and your own thoughts and not get swept up in this 'game of love'...
Just random thoughts.
Woot~
So a little update.
Really nothing huge going on in my head right now. I have the random thought about cleaning up, the random thought about sleeping, playing games, etc etc etc.
Excited about the next week coming up ^^ Christine is coming home today, woot~ Catherine is coming home next week, woot~ Vicks and Grace should be done exams soon, woo~ Eric and Cynthia are coming home sunday i think? Well I know Cynthia is, Eric I think is Tuesday or something, woot~!
Gonna be a fun filled week + summer :)
I'm dreading going to work a bit, but other than that, today seems like a nice day~
Woo hoo, New backup!
Well, looks like I got my 2nd backup University acceptance.
UTM has accepted me, no conditions, but I dont wana go to UTM, I wana go to UTSG, hopefully that'll come soon...
Why do the backups come first, this is nerve racking...
But whatever, at least here I dont have to pay, opposed to my York admission backup.
Welps...hurrah I guess
GO LEAFS, GO!
AHhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahh~!
Sens suck :) We rock. They cannot beat Belfour, sorrie, he's too good for you :)
Ooo that was a good game. 2 - 0~~~ Another shut out for Belfour ^^
ahhh...
Even with a hugely biased ref we win...:)
Go Leafs, Go!
Geeeeez
Alright...
I feel like I'm one of the few elite who are actually sane right now. I mean...there are several who are quite obviously out of their minds, and some that were just never had a mind to begin with...and well...it really cant be true. I mean, I feel fine, I'm not superly stressing over things, or doing anything rash, or hugely deluding myself (that I'm aware of, but what is there to delude?)
Its weird, everyone around is always having problems, always always always, someone is always having a problem. I guess its just logical that way, but its...not cool to say the least.
Poor people...I feel fortunate that I'm not them...lol. I acknowledge my faults and I try to work on them, maybe I dont know them all, but its a work in progress. But geeeeeeezness...i have no clue where some people are in their lives...and where they're going...if they're moving anywhere good...who knows.
Well, I say good luck to those with exams, good luck to those with problems, I'm keeping my nose out of it to spare myself any un-needed grief.
pEace~
Happy Easter!
So its Easter...
Yay?
Anyways, time for sleep :P
Stolen Survey
Stolen from Rian.
1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"You can usually tell what your paradigm is by asking yourself, "What is the driving force of my life?"
(This book was under my bed and I started reading it cause I was le bored, its calle dDaily Reflections for Highly Effective Teens, HAH!)
2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Clean and Clear Moisturizer Hydratant
3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Will and Grace on Oprah. I was passing by my mother watching Oprah so I stopped to see Will and Grace on it :P
4) WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
5:04pm
5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
5:00pm
6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
Aside from the music from the computer, really nothing, my ears are needing to be popped thanks to this sickness of mine.
7) When did you last step outside?:
Yesterday when I got home from work, 11:30pm.
8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
Myself in the mirror.
9) What are you wearing?:
Small Grey T-Shirt, Plaid PJ pants. (I did just wake up, gimme a break)
10) Did you dream last night?:
I did, it was strange, too much Lineage for me.
11) When did you last laugh?:
An hour ago playing with my little cousin.
12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
Blue paint...FF7 poster...geez I need to update that.
13) Seen anything weird lately?:
Nothing I can thnk of at the moment.
14) What do you think of this quiz?:
Its really not much of a quiz, its more of a question and answer.
15) What is the last film you saw?:
Honey, that was pretty good, in a superficial level.
16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
A new house for my family, then a car, then a new computer, then blah blah blah lots of stuff.
17) Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I'm Superman....no thats a lie...
...
...
I'm Spiderman.
18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
I would clean up the entire enviroment and not have any of our products that we use hurt the environment. Thats a pretty huge fuckin change, but still :)
19) Do you like to dance?:
I do, strangely enough.
20) George Bush:
Is a moron who needs to be taken out of power.
21a) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
I dont know, who cares.
21b) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Who cares, I'm young, I aint thinkin bout that.
22) Would you ever consider living abroad?:
For a bit, then I'd move back
23) Will you pass on this survey?:
After going through it...really not.
Little update.
So I've been sick the passed few days...
Been working, been being sick, been downtown and such
Tired, but I'm alright I guess, getting better too.
So today is Good Friday, and my family is having a nice big dinner, that I will be missing thanks to work and not being able to switch shifts with anyone, and my family not informing me that today was the day we were gonna have dinner. I thought it woulda been sunday or something, but guess not.
O wells, commitment is commitment right? I cant skimp out on Sam, he does need someone to work there, so I guess it will be me. Le sigh.
At least I gots the moolah..I need to go shopping and get a lot of stuff I want...which is...unknown to me at the moment. I need peoples to pick out clothes for me, cause I suck at picking out my own. lol..
Well, should be seeing people soon! Everyone's coming back and I'm semi-excited ^^ Only semi cause I'm friggin tired, and I have to go to work in about an hour and 15 min...DEATH. >_<
So anyways, time to shower, pEace~
Attention.
Almost everyone wants it. Its funnie how you can see things like that. Some change their ICQ status to 'Occupied' so other people check it to give them attention, others change their MSN names to overly melodramatic depressive sayings.
Why do we do this...? I admit, I fell victim to the first one a time or two or three or more. Is it human nature to crave attention? I think it is. Everyone likes to be noticed and appreciated despite the fact that they try not to be noticed. I think its all just a clever ploy in order to be noticed, subconsciously or consciously.
Why do I talk about this? I really dont know. I was just thinking about the times I've done that, and how stupid I was. No longer will I make cheap attempts to pray on other peoples sympathys. If I'm mad, then I'm mad, and people wont be able to look at my MSN name to know it, thats just screaming..."GIVE ME ATTENTION!! I WANT IT NOW!!" No no, I dont want to be that kind of person.
Of course I want attention, I've grown up with a spotlight on me since I was born, but will I go outwardly and openly seeking it in such a low manner? Really not. If I get attention, I want it to be GOOD attention, not something like "I'm a raging homo, look at me!" or "I'm super depressed and need the comfort of everyone because I'm a giant insecure train wreck!". Nope~! Not me! Maybe it works for someone else, but thats not my bag...baby :P
So in conclusion, I had a good day shopping with Grace and got some shirts, woot! Also learned lots about Lineage2, so I'm super excited!
pEace~
Yay pay ^^
Got paid today.
FINALLY found that song I've been looking for! I thought it was by Michelle Branch, but it really isnt. Its Nelly Furtado - Try
Get it, sOooo good.
Stuck in my head ALL day, but its good :)
So going shopping tomorrow~ Gonna get some nice spring clothes, perhaps a nice spring jacket. Lots of stuff to buy, and moolah to spend~ I made 59.20 in tips ^^ The most of everyone~ I have about 1000 in my bank right now, and I so cant really spend all that, so its good :)
Though I did spend like 40 smthg bux today, that was special :P
And...30 bux the other day...but that was...I dont know...shopping, what do you expect?
And yet I'm still up so early in the morning...well I didnt sleep, lol.
I go to sleep now.
BTW, got a new X-Box game, Buffy the Vampire Slayer~! Its fuckin hard!!! But reminds me of a better version of Devil May Cry. Catherine, you would enjoy this muchly. I think Christine might too. I should be getting new controllers soon, hopefully different colours, maybe I'll get my bro to colour a special one for me ^^
Anyways, totally needin sleep, so I'm out.
pEAce~
Shoppin!
Woot!
So I went shopping today. Got my Dad a birthday present, and bought myself some shirts, woot ^^
The end.
I sleep.
Stingy
Alright, so I've been stingy with the blogging. Goes to show how much I've really been thinking. :P
Actually, i have been thinking quite a lot. About people, places, things, myself, friends, family, school, life, all the normal things.
I've forgotten many problems, recognized many others, dismissed others and really just havent been doing much the passed few days. Games mostly.
I've been bored, waiting for people to finish school and being busy so we can hang out and what not. I understand that they gota work on school and crap, and dont have the luxury of sitting around on their ass doing nothing, but they're having no fun and arent exactly the happiest people in the world. Too bad there isnt a way to structure things so that people can be happy and get ahead in life. Well I'm sure there is, assuming people knew the path they wanted to take and such and could specialize in that right away, instead of all this general science/math/art/english crap we have to take.
O well tho, c'est la vie? What can we do about it but accept it and work around it. That's what is so great about being human. You can adapt to different situations, make things better or worse for yourself, take the hard or easy road, and end up where you end up.
I'm feeling rather faithful at the moment though. It seems everything is going my way right now anyways. Well, most things anyway. Nice confidence builders have been placed strategically around in the passed few weeks, months even. I was informed today that when I was hired for Second Cup, I was very lucky because Sam, my boss, normally takes a good hour or so with his interviews, and mine was only 15 - 20 minutes and simple questions, and I was hired within those 15 minutes. I've seen him go through these new employees, and I see how long he takes with them, and how long it is before I actually see them working, and it was a good month or so before he even called them back.
I know he was sorta desperate for someone, so that has to have played a part in me getting the job, but I still feel a little special. I feel special for a lot of reasons actually, and it makes me feel great. Of course the effect is only temporary, then I go back to feeling very average despite whether I am above or below average.
Who knows, I feel pretty good about myself anyway though others may not agree, they dont even matter. This is where being secure is supposed to pop in. See, I am secure with myself (or rather, more secure than before) and I am confident enough to say that I'm a pretty damn good person. Its all a matter of perspective, but from my view point, I'm doing what I think is right, and helpful, and good, and therefore, am a good person in my mind. In others I am too, in others, maybe not as much, or others, not at all. But it doesnt matter to me anyway, because no one will ever have the exact same opinion of someone as another person. Many people are weak and follow what other people say. This I know from experience, and I dont blame them for being weak minded and following, because people are pretty easily manipulated if you know the right buttons to press.
I'm getting off track, or did I even have a track to go on? Whatever.
Final thoughts on the matter, life is life, make the best of it~
pEace~
