Dreams.

Hot Chick Song!

Boys are cheats and liars, their such a big disgrace, they will tell you anything to get to second - baseball baseball, he thinks he's gonna score, if you go all the way, then you are a - horticulturist studies flowers, geologists study rocks, the only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his - cockroaches and beetles, butterflies and bugs, nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of-jugglers and acrobats, a dancing bear named chuck, all guys really wanna do, forget it no such luck!!!

posted by Bradimon @ 5:04 p.m. 0 comments

Kitchen!

Yay! I have a stove back!!!

And what is the first thing I shall cook on this stove you ask? Perogies! I would go with dumples, but I dont have any here right now.

Oh god...so good to have food that I cooked and so fast!!! I hate that stupid little hot plate! :(

AHhh I have work tonight and its fruizzi dayyyy! Please have no crowd...RAIN! RAIIIIIIIIIIIN!! Hhaha, I actually dont feel as bad about going back to work though. I mean, after having 3 days off of being super perk, I'm ready to be like that again. I'm naturally like that again. I guess I just cant spend too much time in crazy work land.

I have nothing really to say...just mindless stuff, like how I kinda wana change this layout...but we'll see...

Anyways, time to eat and get ready to go to work. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

posted by Bradimon @ 4:23 p.m. 0 comments

I wonder...

Do people think I'm stupid? I mean...okay, I know I do those stupid blonde things from time to time, and I know I dont spell everything properly all the time, but does that make people think I'm stupid?

By stupid I mean...actually incapable of performing tasks, as if I couldnt handle myself in a tight situation. Cause now that I think of it...that blonde stupidity could be transfered on into "you cant do anything...idiot."

Well, I'm not going to defend myself here cause I know I can handle whatever I need to if I needed to. I just really hope people dont misconstrue my mindlessness at times for stupidity.

posted by Bradimon @ 4:20 p.m. 0 comments

Weird moment.

I'm having a weird moment, I'm not exactly sure whats going on with this feeling. Is it insecurity? What do I really have to feel insecure about? I think it's my brain, I'm not feeling particularly smart at the moment. I havent retained much information in the passed year. I really should be a lot smarter after first year university...yet somehow I feel less intellegent.

Granted, I'm not trying my hardest to be smart right now, but thats not the point. I guess I'm just used to different standards of learning when things were easy. I'm still not as adjusted to university as I'd like to be...yah know...the point where I learn to study. That should change...I kinda feel like reading over my textbooks again so I can prepare for this upcoming year so I can rock U of T and show myself that I really am smarter with studying.

I know my fear of studying is really quite irrational. I believe it was called the self-handicapping (god that took me way too long to remember...). Well, I dont have a fear of studying itself...I fear the results after I study. I mean...I can do average if I dont study, but I'm afraid that I wont do better if I do and that I've reached a limit to what I already do. It may sound stupid and irrational to a lot of people, but to me it makes sense. I've seen patterns in my learning enough to fear this. So I self handicap to compensate. If I dont study, and occupy myself with other things, then I can blame myself less for not studying.

So anyway, I really should be reading stuff and learning in the summer still. Its a break from being marked, not learning...

posted by Bradimon @ 4:58 a.m. 0 comments

The Extremes. Where's the balance?

So...where is this balance? I seem to find different extremes of things that I want...and if I were to combine these things into one perfect being, it would be a mixture. It seems to be like that a lot...or at least thats just what I'm noticing, perhaps missing many of the things that are already balanced. But I'm not going to be talking about what I dont notice. Simply because I dont notice it, so I cant talk about it.

The things I do notice are always so weird, and I wish I could combine them, but they're not combinable...and so very rare. I'm amazed that I found such nice extremes even. I surrender to fate. I'm just not going to think and just let things go the way they should and not give a care anymore because its just too stressful.

Time for some real relaxation.

posted by Bradimon @ 4:03 a.m. 0 comments

Reoccuring Dreams.

Okay, this is new to me...but maybe not anyone else...

Ever had a reoccuring dream, where the dream stays the same as it was last time you had it, but you arent the same as you were in it last time? I mean...in this dream I had, I learned and I knew what was going on and what happened 'last time' in the dream.

It was so f-ed up...I remember that if I did a certain thing that I thought would help me live, I would die, so I did it slowly this time not sure of whether I would die or not...It was so strange...but I do remember having a very stylish coat, cept Grace had the same one on...haha...

Other then the stylish coat, the rest of the dream was f-ed p...something to do with some undead worshipping cult that wanted to sacrafice me or 2 of the other people with me...they stripped us and made us go through some test without telling us what it was for. Except I knew cause I went through it before...so I changed what happened in the dream a bit...so it wasnt exactly the same as last time...but it would have been if I followed through with it the way I did before...

God that was weird. It wasnt a good dream either...last time I woke up in a panic...this time I woke up more like...woah...weird...

Weirdness.

posted by Bradimon @ 2:45 p.m. 0 comments

Swimmin' Swimmin' in Jason's Swimmin' Pool

So we went swimming yesterday and hot tubbing, that was so nice and relaxing! The main thing I wana mention is that Fatima had a sexy bikini on...MWHAHAHAH! :)

Stayed over at Grace's (actually, I'm there right now!) while Josh was over. We played games and such, it was fun.

Anyways, yah...okay, gonna go.

P.S.

I can be such a loser sometimes..hahahah :)

posted by Bradimon @ 4:27 p.m. 0 comments

So mad!

My boss suck and makes me so mad!!!

He told me yesterday that my work was slacking...how exactly? He didnt specify, however, I'm apparently not as good as I used to be, and I only do what is expected of me, and I dont go beyond that anymore.

I roll my eyes to this. Fucker.

I admit my work has been slacking and that I havent done more than I really have to, but for him to be mad at me for not going beyond what is expected of me is outrageous. I wonder if he ever hears himself speak. I'm so madddd, grrrrrr...I still do a lot of things that people dont see which is really going beyond what I should be doing...so he really is just being a bastard...

Bleh...I really wana be spiteful and mean to him, like...REALLY...but I probably wont...:(

posted by Bradimon @ 3:12 p.m. 0 comments

Sitting around...waiting...

I find that I'm always sitting around waiting...

Just waiting for things to fall into my lap like they normally do. Me being the lucky child that I am, getting everything that I really need plopped into my lap. Okay, maybe I'm selling myself short and I really did somehow work to have some of the things I have...but a lot of it was luck.

For example, my best friends just fell into my lap, and we've been really good friends ever since. It doesnt feel like work when I'm maintaining a friendship with them. I definately lucked out with my family. I mean...as annoying as parents can be (and they can be very annoying) I love them still. I couldnt really ask for more, they've provided me with more than enough.

But anyway, I'll not go on about how lucky I am, because I have several posts on how amazed I am about how lucky I am before...read those if you want to.

Just sitting around...trying to figure out whats going on tonight. Thinking about some stuffs as per usual. Confused and yearning for something greater then what I have. Sad, because I should be satisfied with life as it is. I mean, I'm healthy, young, fairly well off monetarily, lots of friends. Honestly, why should I be asking for more? Do I deserve more? Have I been good enough this year to earn that shiny new thing I want? I try...I should try harder to be nicer, and better...

Why are selfish things so tempting to do sometimes..oy...I guess its just a challenge to overcome!

posted by Bradimon @ 10:27 p.m. 0 comments

London Subway...falling down.

Shit man...

I feel horribly for the people, families and friends of the people who were caught in the bombing of the London subway. I can imagine it happening here...and I would be completely devastated. From what I've heard from my parents, people who wanted the UK's troops out of Iraq were responisble for this...

And I can understand that they want to send a message...but thats so drastic...those people were so innocent. People going to and from work or school...just living peaceful lives. Why would anyone want to disturb that ever? I would assume that the people would do this as a last resort...but there are better ways to get a message across.

I really hope Canadian peacekeepers get the hell outta there. So many people's lives were lost, and so many people were injured for this message...Leave them the hell alone and let them sort out their own problems. Its clearly what they want...let them have what they want! I dont want a Toronto subway attacked...my mother and sister not to mention half of my friends take that EVERYDAY...I dont want them at risk for being attacked.

I give my best to those who have lost family or were hurt in this attack...along with september 11th...this is such a sad time we live in. I hope this ends soon, and that people come to the realisation that we dont need to fight for things to be resolved...

Sigh...

posted by Bradimon @ 5:15 p.m. 0 comments

Back on that protection note.

Do I like to be the protector or protectee? Why is this such a hot topic in this head of mine?

Its nice to protect people and take care of them...but it's also nice to be protected. So...why does this come into my mind? I mean honestly...there's so much more to think about yet I think of this? I'm such a loser.

Okay, I know why I'm talking about it. I think...but it's too stupid to say to people, so I wont talk about it anymore.

So anyway, I might be getting that job downtown. I think I sweet talked that interviewer girl pretty well. She was really nice! I'm excited...and scared. She said she'd call tomorrow to tell me if I got or didnt get it...if I did I start friday! Then what am I going to do with Second Cup? Take 2 jobs and run myself into the ground...? Perhaps...I feel bad for leaving Second cup...we'll see.

AHHHHH. Okay, time to sleep.

posted by Bradimon @ 2:46 a.m. 0 comments

What the...

What was up with that weird blog yesterday? I was clearly on crack.

I mean...as much as I'd like to be protected, I know I can handle myself most of the time. I think I just get that because everyone is always protecting me in my family. I mean...my dad is super protective, so is my brother and my sisters. Its nice, but kinda sad for me...just means I'm more sheltered.

Well, hopefully that can change soon. Its nice to learn so much though...:)

posted by Bradimon @ 11:09 a.m. 0 comments

Protection.

I'm re-watching some anime right now...seeing this one guy who always wants to protect all his friends and will always be throwing himself into danger to protect them is really sweet...but it kinda means his friends are inferior. Well...okay, not all of the time, but a lot of the time they're so inferior!

I bet you're wondering where I'm taking this and why I'm blogging about this. Well, I was thinking about how nice it would be to be his friend, to be protected and have him come in to save the day just when you think you're screwed.

Of course this would never happen in real life, but the closest thing I could think of would be having someone there that you know is capable and reliable to help you out of a jam. It'd be like having a security net...that catches you when you fall and helps you back up! It's a sweet notion, but reality catches up to me and says...that aint happenin'. I can see it happening in some rare case...but who would want to continually save someone time and time again? I'd be frustrated.

Sad though...I'd like to think there is someone out there that wouldnt be frustrated by helping people out. Well, assuming I were always to succeed in helping people I think I might be able to be less frustrated, but definately still frustrated.

Okay, now I'm unsure of where this is going...so I think I'll shut up and get ready to sleep.

Hopefully I'll get that job tomorrow! Here's hoping! :)

posted by Bradimon @ 1:24 a.m. 0 comments

Wee!

I love myself...hahahaha...conceited you say? I say confident :)

posted by Bradimon @ 5:24 a.m. 0 comments

Insight...?

I'm not sure if this is exactly insightful to me...but I do definately understand the feelings of some people better now. How people act and such according to their feelings...at least in this gay little world we live in.

I feel somewhat accomplished now that I understand it more...and also very sad that I do understand this, because its not a good feeling...its not what I would want to believe happens. Of course, I know that everything I want is sunshine and unicorns, sprinkled in fairy dust...so its not so disappointing...but still disappointing none the less.

But understanding people is rarely bad, so I'm glad that I do, and I'll know how to act accordingly now...adapting and such. Life can be so mean...its kinda sad and dramatic, but I guess thats how life is, I mean...how boring would it be without that drama from day to day? Exactly, very boring.

So yah, sleepy time!

posted by Bradimon @ 4:17 a.m. 0 comments

Drunken K!

Okay, so that was really funnie. Jason is funnie! I must admit, and Andrew as well...aka. Sarcasmo!!!!!!!

oh man...my head is pulsing! Its so funnie :) Lalalallalalala...ALALLA...okay, no more ;(

posted by Bradimon @ 5:10 a.m. 0 comments