Agh.
Okay...so whats going on?
I dont know. I'm losing myself in the University setting. I've gotten moody...again. Things are unstable and annoying. I think I find a piece of stable ground to stand on, but then it crumbles. I need to work on things on my own for now...
I think I'm just being overly sensitive right now. And I need to go find something constant here. I need...social solidarity (yay for sociology...)
Its weird...my friendships with guys are completely different from when I'm friends with girls. Girls are easier to get along with just cause I can joke with them a lot more, but for some reason when it comes to joking with guys, its just weird?
Well, I'll figure out something. I guess I just need to go make new friends. Not that the ones I have here arent great. They're nice people! Just not my type of friends. They're good to hang out with and play games with, but not to be close with, or at least thats how I feel.
So off onto my next adventure...
Gay Genes?
Interesting article here, I got this from UT mailing groups. It talks about this new research they've done trying to locate a gene that control homosexuality. Interesting no? Read on.
----------------------------------- Article ----------------------------------------------
See summary and FAQ here:http://mypage.iu.edu/~bmustans/Summary.htm
UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOISAT CHICAGO
Institute for Juvenile Research Department of Psychiatry (M/C 747)1747 W. Roosevelt Road
Chicago, IL 60608, USA
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:FIRST GENOME SCAN OF MALE SEXUAL ORIENTATION PUBLISHED
CHICAGO, Illinois, USA, January 12, 2005— A new genetic study helpsexplain why some men are gay and other men are heterosexual. The firstresearch project that examines linkage between male sexual orientationand genes across the human genome was published this month in theprestigious biomedical journal, Human Genetics. The culmination ofseveral years of research, the report identified three new chromosomalregions of interest.One hundred forty-six families that had two or more gay brothersparticipated in the study. The largest finding was a statisticallysuggestive linkage to a region on chromosome 7 called 7q36, and thesecond largest link was found on chromosome 8, in a region called8p12. There was also an interesting finding on chromosome 10, in theregion called 10q26, where the linkage to sexual orientation onlyoccurred if that region was inherited from the mother. This is likelya result of the recently discovered phenomenon that geneticists call"genomic imprinting." Given the complex nature of sexual orientationit is not surprising that multiple genetic regions were implicated.According to the lead author of the study, Dr. Brian Mustanski, "Ourstudy helps to establish that genes play an important role indetermining whether a man is gay or heterosexual. It expands uponprevious research with twins, which has consistently found evidencefor genetic influences on sexual orientation. The next steps will beto see if these findings hold up in a new sample and then identify theparticular genes within these newly discovered chromosomal regions."Dr. Mustanski emphasized that finding the specific genes would haveimplications beyond uncovering the cause of homosexuality. Theiridentification would also greatly advance our understanding of humanvariation, evolution, and brain development.Previous genetic research had focused on the X-chromosome, which meninherit only from their mothers, because of the tendency forhomosexuality to pass through the mother's side of the family. Whenthe scientists used their new genetic markers, they confirmed linkageto the X chromosome in the previously studied families of this sort,but not in new families with different patterns of inheritance. Thispattern of findings suggests that different genes may influence sexualorientation in different families – a process referred to as locusheterogeneity.The study was conducted at the National Institutes of Health in thelaboratory of the senior author, Dr. Dean Hamer. Researchers in thelaboratory of Dr. Nicholas Schork at the University of California atSan Diego provided statistical consultation on the project. Dr. BrianMustanski is currently at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
The study was published in the online version of Human Genetics on January12, 2005 and will be in print in an upcoming issue of the journal.For more information please contact Dr. Brian Mustanski, at312-996-9505 or bmustanski@psych.uic.edu. The article can bedownloaded from the publisher at:
http://springerlink.metapress.com/openurl.asp?genre=article&id=doi:10.1007/s00439-004-1241-4###
eh?
Okay...somebody tell me why I can only be irritated by this strange strange little man?!
I try to be calm, and I try to be reasonable and nice. But no, really not, it just doesnt work and I end up bottling up a bunch of anger and spewing it out at other people in little bursts for nothing!
This really cant go on. I'm really not going to accomodate this asshole any longer. I know I'm just going to make tomorrow even busier, but holy fucking shit!
I need to be calm and collected to deal with this...i need to be...but I cant...I just cant be not uptight about my god damned bathroom! I feel vicious and mean and hateful, and I dont like it! I think all these reaaally mean things...oh these mean things that I can do...but I dont...I just keep it inside. REALLY not healthy.
I need some aggression relieving things...like...now. By now...i mean NOW. I cant stand the sight, voice, or even the THOUGHT of this person...its sickening...
On the outside, I'm all happy and pleasent like, until something bad happens then I get frustrated and let out the pent up aggression...it started again when we stopped talking and I had to hold in all this anger...
I wish he would leave, I hope there is a solution that can save me...I hate feeling this way...
I feel helpess to some degree...because if I'm mean, then it'll start a whole chain of other mean-ness that I dont want to happen. But then how can I let something (ex. SHIT ON THE SEAT) slide? HOW!? And NOT cleaning it up for over a FUCKING WEEK!?
Maybe I'm just being crazy. Am I being crazy and uptight or am I being mad for a logical reason? I think...if I go with the crazy answer at least maybe I can think that this loser is somewhat of a decent person in some warped twisted way, which would make me feel better because at least I'll know that I'm just crazy...
I feel sometimes that I'm the only sane one in this whole world...but then I think...I must be crazy to even be thinking that. Please let me be crazy...
I'm shaking out of rage right now...funnie thing is...I dont hate this guy. I think he's a huge inconsiderate asshole, but I think he's had a rough upbringing. Doesnt justify anything really, he shouldnt be the asshole that he is, but he is. See...If he wasnt the biggest hypocrit in the world, I would be happy. I mean, we're all hypocrits, but only to some extent. Hell, maybe I'm a huge one and dont know it, but I'm NOTHING compared to this. NOTHING. I mean...the biggest hypocrit I know next to this guy is...really...an insignificant bug compared to him.
Oh boy...oh boy...lord save us all.
7 Sins...
Okay, so I just watched a relatively old movie...Seven.
It got me thinking...thinking about how people that try to be good, like me. And I dont think I'm thinking deeply enough...I mean...I try to be good by being nice, by helping other people, by doing things for other people, by being polite, by being courtious, by being accomodating, by being friendly, by being warm, by being virtuous, by being considerate...but then...I havent thought about what I shouldnt do. I mean...not to say that the 7 sins are morally right in our society right now, but what else shouldnt we be doing? I mean, obviously things that contradict that of what you are trying to do...
Well, I guess when you get down to it, it only matters if these sins mean anything to you. Is envy such a terrible thing? It can be channelled into motivation for people to do good. And lust? Too much of it can be overpowering, blinding even. But too much of anything isnt good. And what would life be without a little bit of lust? Greed? Greed can be good if its in moderation...Wrath? Its also motivation...its also a driving force for things to happen for other people. To avoid the wrath of others. I guess in an ideal world people wouldnt need motivation like that, but too bad this world isnt perfect...should I try to make it perfect by just changing myself?
Should I try to avoid these sins? I'm straddling the fence here. Yes, in an ideal world, everyone would avoid them, and everyone wouldnt need them to live a 'happy' life in todays world...but that doesnt happen...these sins have been altered and adapted to our everyday life.
I feel bad going against them, but I feel that most things, like morals, are relative. This puts a slight stabbing feeling in my heart, because I'd like to believe that there is a place for all good people that try to be good, and obey certain values will go (i.e. Heaven) but this puts a slight dampen on the idea.
Meh, these are just a bunch of unorganized ramblings. Ignore them.
Disgust.
Completely and utterly disgusted.
You have no idea how grossed out I am!
Alright...piss on the toilet seat? Fine, that I can accept to a degree in light of the fact that there is now a little streak of SHIT on my toilet seat! I havent been that bathroom ALL day, and neither has one of my roommates which leaves one more...or his friends. EITHER WAY, I am completely disgusted. How does one go about shitting on the toilet seat? HOW EXACTLY!?
Shoot me now so I may not have to deal with this tomorrow.
The Deviant
Hmm...its really strange and sad. The people who are trying to seperate themselves from society or by being 'unique' and changing themselves to do everything different from everyone. I see it a lot around here...and the sad thing is that when they try to change to be unique...I think they're really just conforming to another part of society. The side of society that the majority of society shuns and avoids (at least the professional world) because they seem less respectable.
On the bright side, people dont all stay like that, its generally just a phase. I'm more afraid for the people who stay like that. I know of one in particular, who thinks he's always right, and he's not a product of society because he doesnt listen to other peoples opinions and just makes his own (yet he buys all the expensive designer clothes, ripped jeans for $300...go figure) I really pity him I guess. I dont see him fitting into any societal norm and he's just going to be outcast for the rest of his life. Well, thats not true, there are other more underground subcultures that people like him can fit into. I guess thats a nice change from the typical 9 - 5 type life if thats what you're into. Personally I just want a normal life where I can work at a somewhat normal job and go home and relax with my family.
Call me a conformist if you will, but in a sense we're all conformist..just to different ideas. I only feel bad for the more deviant side, because they lose a lot of opportunies and friends for being different. It shouldnt be like that, but it is...Of course you will have some that do fit in both which is refreshing, but I cant see many of them fitting in.
I can ask many of my friends what they think about Goths, and many of them have the same repulsed face before even answering. Sad...but I guess its just the reality of things. I'd love it if people could all get along, but it just aint happenin.
So sad :(
OH YA! You wana know what else is sad? So I was sitting in biology learning the proper techniques to stomp out a species of 'invaders'. "Pest control" they called it. I normally thought...oh pest control, getting rid of bugs, yay! But then in this context they were talking about white hares that were introduced into Austrailia for hunting purposes, but they started to ravage the crops and stuff. So what did science do? They thought...HEY! lets give them a virus! So they gave these misquitos a virus that they could transfer to all bunnies, but then the problem was that they'd be dying too fast and they targetted the young rabbits first. But apparently that wasnt killing enough, but the virus mutated and had 5 different strains that some rabbits would be able to tolerate, but most would die slowly (apparently thats what we want, so that the rabbits can also transmit the virus)...
Frig! So we launch a virus army on some poor defenseless rabbits...I mean...okay, when its bugs and stuff I'm biased and I hate them so I would want them to die even though they really shouldnt because they're living beings too...but rabbits! I mean...okay, they were ravaging the crops and stuff, but shit! And people wonder why we have cancer and other diseases...
What goes around comes around...and I'm sure we're going to be getting it like that one day...and boy is that going to suck. Hopefully somehow the 'good' humans do balances that out...I doubt that because not many people are in environmental science or anything liek that...but there are lots of people working for humane society and animal shelters...so maybe that'll help...oy :(
Resolutions.
Okay, here are a few more resolutions.
Be less of a prude, and be more cheerful.
Those are my new resolutions! I dont think they're all that hard. I've been grumpy since I voiced how I felt about loser-face. So, now its time to not let him affect how I am and just let me be happy and stuff.
So, here begins the a new section of University life.
In the spirit of being nicer...
Should I tolerate some stuff that I think is irritating?
I mean...alright, I find it particularly disgusting when someone leaves the floor soaking wet after a shower. More so in Res than at home because we have mats at home and it doesnt get that bad. But here, the floor is generally unwashed and really dirty cause people like to wear their shoes in there. So when the floor gets wet, and I walk in their without shoes or just with socks on it gets really gross and REALLY dirty. Should I tolerate people leaving a wet floor to accomodate them?
I'm not sure thats being nice, I'm thinking that's more stupid than anything. I mean, I figure, either keep the floor clean if you're going to leave water on the floor (by not wearing shoes in there, and telling your friends to as well) or just dont leave water on the floor. Simple. Is that so much to ask?
And how do you tell someone you dont like to change something that annoys you (in regards to living habits) without making them mad when you know they're the type of person that would get mad when you ask them politely even. Wait...not mad, more...spiteful. How do you deal with that when you have to live with this person? Man...the drama returns when I go back to res...
Mother F...I guess I just gota learn how to deal with this.
Happy New Year and stuff!
Happy New Year!
I cant believe its already 2005...it seems like last year it was all about the Y2K! Wow...so many things have changed since last year. Its pretty awesome to see how things have turned out! Some good, some bad, all strange :P
So its that time of year for resolutions right? Ya...one of mine is the same as always..."Study" hahahah. I always like to say that...do I really study? No, no I dont. Do I have to? Yes, yes I do. Will I actually try this year? I have to...thanks to University.
Another is to be nicer. I dont think I've been the nicest person recently, and hopefully I can be nicer to everyone! The holiday had its purpose, to recharge the tolerance batteries, I think it did. So hopefully I can be nice :) Hopefully, hahahah
On another note, I was watching Much Music today, and there was this show on "Hot or Not?". So I started watching it and watching the VJ's bash everyone! They were friggin mean! They really didnt have to over do it that much...I know its media and shit like that, but you dont have to be like that. Oh well though.
