Compassion Returns!
Woah! I love this feeling, the feeling of helping someone, making them feel better, making them smile when they're down...I missed it.
People around me havent been down with something that I could help with, until today. I helped her out and now I feel great. I realised why I wasnt feeling compassionate for the other people too! Because I thought that they were just being childish and immature with their insecurity and the main thing that bugged me was their lack of self improvement. Most of the people I lost my compassion for were VERY pessimistic, and not willing to help themselves. So the compassion disappeared, but for those who are sad for other reasons, its still there! I feel good again :)
<3
Oh dude!
Alright, so I just found out that this movie (Which is a MUST SEE) is coming out. I'm slightly disappointed, but still very happy to see that
Brokeback Mountain is coming out next year!
For those of you who dont know what it is, its a story about two gay cowboys and them falling in love. Directed by Ang Lee (duno who that is exactly, but I remember the name from somewhere). The main stars are Heath Ledger (Woah!) and Jake Gyllenhaal (Har har Catherine!).
I just read that they wont have sex scenes though, because its a 'traditionally romantic' film. I kinda think that's BS, but at least two really famous actors are going to be in it. I'm excited :)
I just hope Heath Ledger is as good as he was in A Knight's Tale....<3 that movie!
Anyways, Hellboy, bad movie, I told you Cheryl! :( Shoulda watched Ned Kelly or Decoys!! (Which I download now, har har har :P)
And then there were 2.
Bye bye Catherine! :(
Hope you have fun at school this year! Only me and Christine here left to do our crazy dumpling parties for a bit, then we both ship off to school :(
We didnt get any pictures...shoulda taken some last night, oh wells. I'm sad, but excited. Its kinda a weird combo. I wonder how things are going to be this year. Very scared :P
I've got all these weird feelings swimming around inside right now, I cant exactly identify them. Some arent all that nice either. Some are mean, sadistic, and some are jealous, and some are calming and reassuring...its kinda weird. None of them are really coming out, everything kinda seems surreal right now. Leaving home...its weird. So weird. At least I'm only a subway and bus stop away from my home.
I'm not exactly looking forward to the plans this week, lots to do, new people to see, lots to do mainly. Gota pack up my room, gota pack up and clean up...then I gota entertain some people, and then I gota go meet even more new people at school and hope for the best.
I guess the feeling I can feel most is fear, but then its balanced by hope shortly after, but doesnt mean the fear isnt still there. There is the realistic-ness and non-overly optumistic/pessmistic-ness, woot.
Anyways, I'm going to go try and relax and just enjoy my time left here.
pEace~
Hmm
So work is done, I'm free for a month to go to school!
I'm excited more than I am scared now. I slowly learn to be more laid back too. I just want my nice relaxing life. Doesnt mean i'm not going to try to do my best to do well in life or school and accomplish as much as I can in this lifetime, but I want to enjoy it rather than fight it.
I know things will happen, good and bad, but I'll just have to role with the punches~
I have a hard time forgiving some people for past wrongs...but I try, I do try.
I now see the error of my old ways. I was way too forceful with people, when I just needed to accept them for who they are like a true friend does. I'm glad that I've learned that lesson this summer. Things are changing in a week, big things are changing, and I'm excited, but so scared. I'm going to miss my family horribly, but I also need to get away.
At least I'll be close enough to visit and talk to them whenever I want. Honestly, I feel like I might cry the day I leave...The thought of not seeing them everyday (though I dont always want to) makes my eyes water ever so slightly. I'm such a sentimental baby, but who cares, thats the way I am.
I need to plan quite a few things before I go to University...I'm going to be prepared, and I'm going to work hard. Why? Because I've grown up more this summer and I will be organized, and I will do my best. I release my fear of doing only 'above average' or 'medicore' and I will study hard. I better keep that up for the whole year and not just the first week.
My life is going to be completely changed...on September 2nd...
School? What?!
Ya, I'm really not ready for school yet.
Annoying that my mother is forcing me into doing stuff to get ready, I know its good intentions, but I'll do it in my own sweet time thanks.
Oy...After all these years she still doesnt understand. Oh well, that wont matter much anymore anyway. Since I'll be gone, and maybe living downtown even the next year with Dana or something. Who knows right now.
I hope I'm ready for school and that everything goes good. I'm pretty sure it will be. Everything is set. All I have left to pay for are my books, and I have yet to check those online. I'll do that tomorrow.
Just a short week til I'm going off..exciting, scary...but exciting. I hope I'm going to be as responsible as people think...as I think too...Things should be fine. If not, I have several back up plans in the works. Other than that, I'm just going to try and relax and enjoy my time.
Only problem is that I dont get to learn everything I wana learn. But I got the majority of it for first year...its just the next years I'm gonna be sad about. Cause I gota pick a major and minors or 2 majors or whatever...and its gonna be sad that I dont get to major in everything I wana (realistically anyway).
Oh wells...I should go back to school shopping. That really just means buying a few notebooks and clothes :)
ANyways, time for sleep, work tomorrow.
Insecurity
Ya, feeling randomly a bit insecure.
Scared that at University I wont meet as many friends as I'd like. Scared that I'm not as easy to get along with as I'd like to think. Scared that I wont like my suitemates, or they wont like me.
I know I'm being stupid, and I'm just gonna hope for the best...
Tip of the Day
For those of you who would be interested in flirting with me, here is a big tip.
Please dont make it overly obvious that you're interested. Slight hints here and there are clever and cute, but blantently stating it and/or touching me, is NOT a good way to flirt unless you know that I already like you. The way I see it, is that there are several stages in flirting.
The first of which you should be charming, clever and witty, in order to gain the attention of the person you're trying to get.
The second is when they reciprocate the interest and then you move in a little closer, talk more about personal stuff, maybe slight touches leaving the mystery there.
The third would be when they are finally both interested in each other and then its fine to do random touches more often.
DEFINATELY, not at the beginning, no touching at the beginning -_-;
Pessmists
Why people are so pessimistic is beyond me. I accept that they are pessmistic and I wont try and change them so that they are optumistic, but its kinda annoying to talk to someone pessmistic. They always make me feel so discouraged, bringing such a negative attitude and atmosphere with them everywhere. I dont mind if people are thinking pessmistically, but please dont drag the rest of us down.
The most annoying thing I hear when I'm talking to a pessmist about their problems, is when they tell me whats wrong and are only seeing the downside, and try and tell me that they are being "realistic". That thought in itself is the most pessmistic thing they can say. I think being "realistic" factors in the good and bad possiblities. There are always chances of something good happening, but then pessmists wouldnt see that. Sure, its uber optumistic of me to think that as well, but I do also factor in the bad side, thereby, making it realistic.
I am optumistic because I'm lucky, but that doesnt mean I havent had my fair share of problems and/or depressions.
Ahh well, just wanted to bitch about pessmists so I could get it outta my system. :)
Where has all the compassion gone?
A long time passing...hehehe (I dont know where I remember that poem "Where have all the flowers gone?" but ya...whatever)
Anyway, ya, I feel compassion-less. I mean...there are all these people who are insecure and sad and whatever, but now I just think...
"Get over yourselves, you're fine, whatever, stop being such a whiny idiot."
Why do I think that instead of the good old:
"Aww...you're a good person, why do you think that? :("
Weird that I dont think like that as much anymore? I guess I've just seen how many people are insecure and it kinda just annoys me cause you go through the same stuff with each person and it doesnt work because they have to realise themselves that they're good people so not to be insecure anymore. So it just irritates me and I feel bad for it...I'll find that compassion again someday...somday :P
Well, I do feel bad for them, I guess the overwhelming earge to just tell them "You're being stupid, you're fine, why are you crying over spilt milk?!" Blocks the compassion. I think thats it. Ahhh, I dont feel so bad now :)
Time for some Narutooooooo~!
Excited!
Oh man...
Okay, well, Naruto was a pretty good anime, until Haku and Zabuza died, and I got sad and stopped watching cause I liked those guys, and therefore stopped liking Naruto :P
Dang, but that game is wicked cool. Went on a huge expedition with Christine today trying to get a new PS2 for her, and damn that paid off~! That Naruto game is addictive...:( Today was exciting, gaming and discovering our new dinner and shoppin, that was good stuff man.
Also excited, cause I finally got all my courses planned out properly, now I'm just trying to help my sister get hers. I'll be finding out who my suite-mates are gonna be sometime this week I think, and I'll be able to move in on Sept 2!
Then, sometime next week, going shopping again at Square one! I got a new jacket :) Looks like leather, but is obviously not, cause I aint spending the moolah on that. I look older and more mature in that jacket like I do with most jackets...I think its a sign that I gota grow up soon. At least thats what my Great Aunty Edith told me.
"When you're 19, you're allowed to party all you want! Make sure you party a lot because the second you hit 20, you have to behave like a gentleman!"
hahahah, she's really cute when she's saying that. I wonder when I'll stop acting young, and finally accept the fact that I should now be entering a new phase and be responsible adult. I know I've seen a lot of people who definately ARENT mature adults...most of which go to the pub beside Second Cup. Then I also see people who act mature, but are really not, so I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.
Really excited about the school year, I feel like an empty shell without school...strange. I miss my sciences and stuff. Dang...I promise to myself that I'll study hard all the time, but somehow this time I gota make it stick. I hope that the being away from my parents will help that on its own.
Luckily I should have enough work experience + a really good reference from work to get a better job downtown. Maybe at a nice restaurant. I got a nice direct tip the other day from some guy because I was nice and polite and stuff. It was only about $2, but I didnt have to split it with the rest of people because he told me to keep it myself~! So that was pretty exciting, I think i'd be able to handle a nice little restaurant and get better tip so I can pay my way through living away from home next year. I've saved up a good 3000-ish. Not GREAT, but better than nothing. I've spent wayyyy too much this year, I gota cut back for the next year.
I'm just rambling on and on because I'm excited...scared, but excited at the possiblity of meeting nice new people and learning new things! (Ya, I know how dorky I sound, screw you! :P)
Anyways, I should sleep. Lots to do tomorrow!
Irritation and confusion.
I'm really quite annoyed right now...
I dont know what I'm going to do yet, I'm TRYING to be nice, but its hard to stay nice...Oh is it hard.
Also...confused and mixed feelings going around in the head of me, I wish they would just...decide.
Relationships
This is a non-stop topic on my damn blog.
I try to get away, but it chases me everywhere I go....relationships are everywhere. There is no escape, no peace from the drama...
My sister recently got married, it was a joyful day...for some. It wasnt the best wedding reception I've been to. The air seemed very stale. I know many people didnt approve of their wedding, nor did they really like her husband, but we accepted it. I try to have an open mind and accept him more, but its hard...whatever, this isnt what I was thikning about anyway.
I was looking at all these other relationships around me. Currently i have my other sister and her boyfriend downstairs and her friend and her friend's boyfriend. Very different couples, strange.
Some fight, some get along perfectly (on the outside) and then I look at my sister who was recently married and things are weird with them. I look at some of my friends and their relationships mess them up too...
Its a real bad world out there when you're lookin for love. What pessimism you say? Yes yes I admit it. Who can be wholely optumistic anyway?
I also admit that there those who do find love, and its wonderful, really. But then I'm just a little saddened that the world is so bad to good people. I mean, a lot of the people are good, but then everyone gets blinded by love and stuff, its just messy.
But thats also a good part of love, it being messy right? The unknown, the mystery and such...it is really interesting. But anyway...I dont know where I'm going with this right now...
OH YA! The drama. It follows you everywhere. You think you get away, but it follows. In every relationship there is drama, but it is part of the excitment too. I guess its just a case of too much of a good thing. Well, things'll work they're way out...
Here's hoping.
Life Thoughts
Thinking about life kinda takes away the fun in life. Its kind of annoying that I think about life so much though, because then when you over analyse things, life seems so boring. You cant just sit back and enjoy things...
Iuno man, I dont really wana get too deep into things, but I'm just thinking that if you just live life and stop thinking about how things are, or how they should be, you can just relax and enjoy yourself. Maybe you're less aware, maybe you're just ignorant, but then life is easy and enjoyable. Whats the point in living a troubled aware life when you can just be happy?
I remember I was doing this online quiz, and it had a question that made me think about this, it was:
Which life would you rather live?
a) A life of accomplishment
b) A life of leisure
I picked b. I think its all well and good to accomplish things, but its just not for me. I rather just be happy and relax as my life goes on. I dont need to be hugely rich, and I dont need to be recognized by the world (though those things would be nice), I'd rather just live a nice humble life. This doesnt mean I wont do go into Law or Medicine or whatever, because I do want to be rich and recognized, I dont need to be, but I would like to, so why not give it a go? I'm just not going to get too stressed about it and take it easy.
Strange, I remember being the super uptight moralistic responsible dude, but now I can just be...well, I can just be. :)
