Dreams.

<3

Wow. Tuesday made of world of difference. Less with the judging again. Less with the judging.

posted by Bradimon @ 9:23 p.m. 1 comments

Hmmmm...

Sometimes I'm more insecure than I realize.

Damn those things in the a personal appearance that can make someone feel ugly...when it really doesnt matter, and we should know this by now, but we're all affected by it. Some sort of strive to be good looking, desired, attention whores. Who doesn't love attention though. I think everyone loves attention of some sort, to validate themselves. Whether you are good looking or not good looking, it seems people are bound to have issues with how they look. I'm going to blame society on this one again, placing such a huge emphasis on looks as usual. I'm not going to pass blame completely, because I do also make mean jokes about people that aren't good looking (though all in good fun, is still not a good thing to do I suppose), and place people that are good looking on some sort of podium.

I think the people that are good looking, fear people being better looking and kicking them off the podium. They fear losing what they already have, where as people no as 'good looking' fear never achieving this and recieving some sort of global validation.

I really would love to just forget this shit...and just live life and not care about how I look..but I can't. I wonder how I can overcome this. It seems like something natural...but of course, this is no excuse.

Attention...is something that I grew up with as the youngest child. I loved it - and I love it still. I mean, there are different forms of attention, and of course, not all are good, but who doesn't love good attention? Attention can also be known as care and love, and who doesnt want that? We all want to feel special and unique..but as the youngest child that gets spoiled and showered with love...how do you change from something you've always had to adjust to the 'real world'. I mean, I get a fair amount of attention to tie me over...but I find I crave more. Am I just greedy? More than likely. This is probably how I overcome this...stop the greed. STOP IT! Okay...this is the plan.

I think I need to learn to be truly independent of needing that kind of stuff. Needing being seperate from wanting and enjoying of course.

So Brad...it's time to grow up a bit...yes, yes....time to grow up. Sigh.

posted by Bradimon @ 3:05 a.m. 0 comments

Dellusion is a powerful thing.

Dellusion has the power to blind you to your own stupidity, to leave you vulnerable without you even knowing. It's probably one of the worst things that anyone could be under the influence of.

People can make fun of you behind your back and you wouldnt know it. They'd probably be right too seeing as you'd be the dellusional one. Or maybe other people are wrong and you are right and they are all dellusional. It would take someone fairly self-absorbed to think that though I would think. Being dellusional sucks, I always wonder if I'm being dellusional, but at least I'm open to critics on the way I percieve things to avoid this problem.

Brad's Tip of the Day: Dellusions bad, reality good.

posted by Bradimon @ 6:09 a.m. 3 comments

what...?

What is a question I ask myself quite a bit nowadays.

What am I doing?
What can I do better?
What am I doing that is good?
What am I doing that is bad?

What what what...what to do...

I'm greatly confused...but I will sort things out momentarily.

I try to support people in everything they do, and try to help them feel better about themselves when other people dont. That isnt always the smartest thing to do...though it is a nice bandaid solution...I think I'm just a coward.

posted by Bradimon @ 3:56 a.m. 1 comments

Raindrop keep fallin' on my...roof!

Wow, the sound of the raindrops is really really calming. I love rain. I really wanted to run outside in the rain yesterday, but no one would go with me...>_<

The little drippy sounds are so nice, I don't know why. I know water sounds are therapeutic and all...maybe thats why I like it? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....................just simple rain, keeps me happy.

posted by Bradimon @ 11:29 a.m. 0 comments