Dreams.

Hmmmm...

Sometimes I'm more insecure than I realize.

Damn those things in the a personal appearance that can make someone feel ugly...when it really doesnt matter, and we should know this by now, but we're all affected by it. Some sort of strive to be good looking, desired, attention whores. Who doesn't love attention though. I think everyone loves attention of some sort, to validate themselves. Whether you are good looking or not good looking, it seems people are bound to have issues with how they look. I'm going to blame society on this one again, placing such a huge emphasis on looks as usual. I'm not going to pass blame completely, because I do also make mean jokes about people that aren't good looking (though all in good fun, is still not a good thing to do I suppose), and place people that are good looking on some sort of podium.

I think the people that are good looking, fear people being better looking and kicking them off the podium. They fear losing what they already have, where as people no as 'good looking' fear never achieving this and recieving some sort of global validation.

I really would love to just forget this shit...and just live life and not care about how I look..but I can't. I wonder how I can overcome this. It seems like something natural...but of course, this is no excuse.

Attention...is something that I grew up with as the youngest child. I loved it - and I love it still. I mean, there are different forms of attention, and of course, not all are good, but who doesn't love good attention? Attention can also be known as care and love, and who doesnt want that? We all want to feel special and unique..but as the youngest child that gets spoiled and showered with love...how do you change from something you've always had to adjust to the 'real world'. I mean, I get a fair amount of attention to tie me over...but I find I crave more. Am I just greedy? More than likely. This is probably how I overcome this...stop the greed. STOP IT! Okay...this is the plan.

I think I need to learn to be truly independent of needing that kind of stuff. Needing being seperate from wanting and enjoying of course.

So Brad...it's time to grow up a bit...yes, yes....time to grow up. Sigh.

posted by Bradimon @ 3:05 a.m.