Truth
So I was thinking yesterday...
And I figure, that I really cant keep my own feelings in to spare someone else from feeling awkward. I mean, its just not healthy to keep it all in when something is bothering you. Nothing necessarily has to happen from me telling my feelings, but its nice to just not have to hide them.
Thanks for the talk Cheryls!
LCD!
Yay! I got an LCD monitor! Sooo pretty :(
17-incher~
I have SO MUCH MORE ROOM ON MY DESK!! And things look so much better on the screen! But most importantly...I HAVE SO MUCH MORE ROOM ON MY DESK! God damn, thats awesome.
Good bye old clumpy monitor that takes up half the desk...hello new sexy-sleek monitor that takes up 1/8 of the desk :)
Relaxed
Ahhhhhhh...
Okay, I feel much better now. Parents have lightened up since people came over yesterday, and I dont feel nearly as pressured to be what they want me to be.
If the chance arises, I will tell them what I feel, what they taught me to be. I'm not a coward that shys away from his feelings. (Okay, maybe some :P)
But anyways, enough of the doom and bloom (hahah...TOKYO REVALTIONS!)
Christmas gifts this year consisted of:
Incredibles Jack Jack Toy - Thanks Cheryl!! Cutest thing EVER in time!
Scarf, Naruto Toys - Yay! Nice biggggg warm scarf! Haku and Zabuza are back together at last! Thanks Zippah n Cookies.
Teen Titan Toy and Clothes! - Thanks Dana! It helps fulfill my toy need for Christmas :)
Volleyball - Its so soft and nice...I get to play volleyball today too! Thanks Lore!
Fable, Golden Eye Rogue Agent, Halo 2 (special verison), New bracelet - More games to distract me! Exciting! Thanks Marc and Karen!
Polo Ralph Lauren Blue and Clothes - Thanks Mom and Dad! Smells sooo good~
LOTR Extended 1 & 2 - Thanks Aunty Linda, Uncle Michael, Edward and Lian!
Other random things (i.e. Hair care, food, little toys, underwear, socks, etc) - Thanks everyone!
And there's more to come when Grace gets back from Taiwan! Its kinda weird not to have you around here for Christmas this year Grace...but you'll be here for summer which is mucher longer and then we'll be able to go to the beach and go do so much!
For some reason I'm feeling very lovie right now. Go figure.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and I hope you'll all have a happy new year :)
Parental control issues.
Why do they have such huge issues with control? I mean...frig man!
Since I've been home, its been them basically telling me to do stuff. God damn, its my life and I'm not your pet. Just let me relax and have a nice break! Its called holidays for a reason! No wonder I'm so god damn uptight. I'm only mildly uptight compared to my parents. Jeeeeeeeeez.
It annoys me to no end that they project their little parties and things they're planning onto me! They make me do it because they planned it, and I'm there. Just simply because I'm there, I have to do it. And they never just ASK, they either tell me to do it, or pretend to ask me when they're really demanding it.
If they make any snide comments I'm going to frigging explode and tell them whats going on. About how I'm sick of them treating me like I'm their little pet, that they want to control to do everything. I'm actually a human being, that thinks and moves and does things on his own. A human that doesnt enjoy being commanded around, like most dont, especially by their parents, and especially on Christmas day! I just want to f-ing relax, is that so much to ask? If you want to be busy around christmas, that's your business. Dont drag me into your vortex of work! For f's sake...just let me be.
Anyways, I'm going to try and salvage what's left of my christmas day and try to make the best of this annoying situation because it could be worse.
Cheers.
A home at the end of the world.
Such a good movie! :(
Surprisingly, I found that Collin Farrel can actually act beyond the macho hot man that he plays in most movies. He plays a sensitive sweet naive positive guy in this movie. Its such a sad movie!
--- Spoiler ---
It makes me so sad to think that even though he had such a tramatic childhood, and made the best of it and turned it into a positive outlook onto the world, that such horrible things would happen to him! His girlfriend left him, his boyfriend is dying, and his family is all dead, and his pseudo father just died...and he's been alone his whole life! It makes me so sad! Maaaaaaaaaan...why?? He's such a sweet guy!...:(
--- End Spoiler ---
Well, clubbing tonight was cancelled due to the weathering. But oh well, still had fun renting movies and playing games, har har!
I really should be sleeping now...I have a lot to do tomorrow for Christmas Eve!
Welps...I'm going to go off and cry myself to sleep like a little baby...go watch "A Home at the End of the World."....go...go now.
Moody
Damn man...
I've been so moody lately, I really duno whats going on.
Yesterday night, I was really cynical/pessmistic while watching some christmas movie with my mom. I mean, normally I'd be all like "Aww, how nice, everything is working out so nicely!" but then yesterday I was like..."Pfft, whatever, things dont happen that perfectly in real life!" and I left the room.
Hahhaa, so much for my promise to always remain idealistic.
Shit! I just found out that I failed my last bio midterm...how in the hell did that happen?! -_-;
Ughhhhhhhh...Well, yay for me...I think I'm probably getting 55% overall in biology right now...how sad...my marks have dropped SO much...
Well, okay...I guess I just really need to get my ass in gear and study hard for the next tests. Time to be a good student and not a slacker...that only works in high school I guess.
Forgiveness
How do you forgive exactly?
I've managed to forget...I havent managed to forgive. I'm trying, I honestly am trying...but I dont know how to forgive someone...I mean, small things dont count, those are easy to forgive. But when someone betrays your trust, how do you forgive them? I can move on...but the pain remains when I think about what happened. I dont know...
I try to just accept it and say "Hey, it happens" but I cant...To think that I was fooled by so many people in the passed little while hurts.
I'll think on it some more, and try harder..
Alrightie.
Well, I think I've been more than tolerant of some of my living conditions, so I think its time to do something about it. I gave some people the benefit of the doubt, that it would change, and things wouldnt persist, but they have, and now I'm going to have to set some rules. I'm going to talk to my don tonight about revising our contract here, in hopes of finding a nice compromise. However there are several things I will NOT compromise on.
Example: Piss on the toilet seat. That is UNCOMPROMISABLE.
I will also not tolerate someone drinking my 2L bottle of ice tea and not replacing it nor telling me they drank it. I know who it was, and I'm still waiting for them to come to me and own up to it. Or at the very LEAST replace it. Not 3 months after, but the DAY after.
I will also not tolerate someone using my toothpaste without asking me. I mean, okay, once? Fine, go ahead. But generally people ASK first. Its the polite thing to do, especially if you're using it over and over repeatedly.
Other things I actually am willing to compromise on, though it irritates me, is having a wet bathroom floor after someone showers. I'm sure there's a happy medium somewhere, but its really quite disgusting if you arent washing the floors in the bathroom.
God damn, I'm so sick of living with that one person...everyone else is great, super even. But ONE person just opens his mouth and I want to shove a shovel down his throat. It would please me to no end if he left us. I dont understand how he even got paired with us! Well, I do...dillusion, false self-images when filling out the roommate forms...
God damn...just leave us...PLEASE LEAVE.
Awww :)
Why isnt the real world anything like TV?
I mean...the people on TV are so charming and so cute! People in real life are so...boring! They're so ruthless and so...in their own worlds. Or maybe I just need more drama in my life. And by drama I dont mean the stupid ones like I've been having.
Awww, TV is good. Studying what? I dont do that :(
Patience
Gota learn to develop it more. Just a little more...
Term Tests
Yay!
Ironic thing is...I studied lots of sociology, and I think I didnt do as well as I did on Psychology and I only read 2 chapters of psych...and I read 2 textbooks for sociology. Weird? I think so.
Oh well, here I come 60%!!! Hopefully, hahahah. I'm happy with passing right now...stupid U of T...being smart...that sucks.
Quick thought.
I'm so glad that I'm me and not other people.
I'm not without my flaws, but I see some people with much deeper craziness that is gonna cause them lots of trouble in the future. Not to say mine wont, but I would just rather have my crazies than someone elses.
A laugh goes out to the narcassits MSN name. A huge laugh.
Thinking
How do you stop yourself from liking someone?
I used to be able to turn it on and off. It seems as though I cant even control myself here?
I guess its just because I dont want to like this person because of the awkwardness it would create in a group of friends I have here. Not to mention a questionable nature...
Its weird...and if things did work out...it would change the dynamics here so drastically.
So what do I do? Do I turn off my feelings? Ignore my sensory neurons? (Hahha...I'm in the middle of studying for Psych and I'm reading about neurons...)
I dont even know what I like about this person...I mean...they arent traditionally the type of look I go for...but cute in way. True, I dont even know if they would be into me, and I'm just daydreaming when I say this, but I sorta have a feeling...Could be completely off, so dont be all "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" about it...
I dont know...I think that I'm scared. No...in fact, I know that I'm scared, I also know that I want to take the risk, but I think being scared outweighs that at the moment. That and the fact that I should be studying for midterms at the moment...
But how exactly did I stop liking people before? I used to do it so easily...but I dont want to close my heart like that...it seems so cold and...robotic. But living liking someone who you might not be able to have is just torturing yourself? Why ruin a friendship over something that has a tiny potential?
I think I'll be letting logic take over here...There are too many obsticles, too much that is at risk...I'm just going to have to be robotic and turn it off and move on.
I guess the best medicine to move on is finding someone else...at least thats what Andrew told me? I should listen to him.
You know, it's just donned on me that I'm just being stupid. Concentrating on such minor things when there are so many more things that I should be caring more about.
Selfish S
elfish Selfish.
What happened? Why do I only care about myself now? Okay...I know the answers to those questions, but why cant I just pull myself out from this mould I've been accustomed to? Have I become so engrained into such a stupid place that I only thing about these minor problems? Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I have made efforts towards becoming a nicer less selfish person again. I really should 5 days before my first 2 midterms...but I do anyways. Multi-tasking is the key ;)
Note to self:
Get out and experience more things. Just having fun is empty. Not to say that I shouldnt have fun, but there should be a balance of fun and growing. Find the balance...
Charmed!!
AHH!!
AHH!!!
HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO ME?!?!
WHY!? AHH!!! AND I HAVE TO WAIT 2 WEEKS TO SEE THE NEXT EPISODE!! AHH!H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn this season is fucking amazing...
FUCK!
EDIT:
OH MY GOD!!!
ITS MORE THAN 2 WEEKS!!! WHY!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M GOING TO CRY!!! :(
THAT WAS SO GOOD AND NOW THEY'RE ALL MAKING ME WAIT!!! SO I SEE IT ON THE NEXT NEXT NEXT SUNDAY!>!!!?!?!?! WHY!?!??!?!?! :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
I DONT KNOW IF I CAN WAIT THAT LONG AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO READ A SPOILER!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm a fanatic...I realise.
