Dreams.

Thinking

How do you stop yourself from liking someone?

I used to be able to turn it on and off. It seems as though I cant even control myself here?
I guess its just because I dont want to like this person because of the awkwardness it would create in a group of friends I have here. Not to mention a questionable nature...

Its weird...and if things did work out...it would change the dynamics here so drastically.

So what do I do? Do I turn off my feelings? Ignore my sensory neurons? (Hahha...I'm in the middle of studying for Psych and I'm reading about neurons...)

I dont even know what I like about this person...I mean...they arent traditionally the type of look I go for...but cute in way. True, I dont even know if they would be into me, and I'm just daydreaming when I say this, but I sorta have a feeling...Could be completely off, so dont be all "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" about it...

I dont know...I think that I'm scared. No...in fact, I know that I'm scared, I also know that I want to take the risk, but I think being scared outweighs that at the moment. That and the fact that I should be studying for midterms at the moment...

But how exactly did I stop liking people before? I used to do it so easily...but I dont want to close my heart like that...it seems so cold and...robotic. But living liking someone who you might not be able to have is just torturing yourself? Why ruin a friendship over something that has a tiny potential?

I think I'll be letting logic take over here...There are too many obsticles, too much that is at risk...I'm just going to have to be robotic and turn it off and move on.

I guess the best medicine to move on is finding someone else...at least thats what Andrew told me? I should listen to him.

You know, it's just donned on me that I'm just being stupid. Concentrating on such minor things when there are so many more things that I should be caring more about.

Selfish Selfish Selfish.

What happened? Why do I only care about myself now? Okay...I know the answers to those questions, but why cant I just pull myself out from this mould I've been accustomed to? Have I become so engrained into such a stupid place that I only thing about these minor problems? Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I have made efforts towards becoming a nicer less selfish person again. I really should 5 days before my first 2 midterms...but I do anyways. Multi-tasking is the key ;)

Note to self:
Get out and experience more things. Just having fun is empty. Not to say that I shouldnt have fun, but there should be a balance of fun and growing. Find the balance...

posted by Bradimon @ 5:33 a.m.