Dreams.

You know whats surprising..
A certain friend (who shall remain nameless for my protection as well as theirs) seems to be wanting things to be "as they were" before, with other people, and not noticing me. They rant and rave about this person and how they arent good friends with them anymore, but not me, no, heaven forbid someone would think about Brad. Well, I'm not mad about this, I just think its pretty stupid that I thought I had good friends, when I really didnt. I want things to go back to the way they were before too, but looks like its not going to happen. The only person I really talk to from the "family" if you will, is dumcat...my "pet" has wondered off into the world of homework and neglect, my mother, is non-existent, same with my father. Havent talked to them in ages, and they dont seem to care, so I wont bother them. I know they're having their own problems, but gawd, get over yourselves. I think my "aunt" is acting weird again, or it might just be me. Whatever. I guess that person is losing more friends than he or she thinks.

I'm weird, I dont want to talk to people unless they talk to me first. I have rules about this in my head. Not to seem like an over-eager friend, because I dont like that, so why would I do it, but not to seem like a reluctant friend. My rule on ICQ is if I come online, I message you, but if I'm already online, you message me first because you just came on. I dont even know why I do that, but I'm trying to avoid one-way friendships like I've had so many in the past...Friggin...I wish I was able to live on a remote island without anyone...but we know thats not going to happen...People are such hassles! Emotions and what not...selfish-ness comes back again. Everyone is selfish, I'm selfish a lot, without even realizing it. I hate that. I hate that everyone is selfish, and even if you try not to be, on some level you are, fucking. Maybe we'll all grow up one day and realize how stupid we are and laugh about it...I cant wait til that day comes...but its highly doubtful.

Moo, anyway, In english class today, we watched a film on media and teens trying to get away from media and media hunting us down, yadda yadda yadda. How very lame. Sure, the media goes around packaging and re-packaging things, trying to make a certain thing cool, but who really follows that? I know I dont. I dont say, HEY, that person looks good, I want to look like them, *whip out wallet and go shopping* WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! I sit in my little room, and do what I want. Thats what I like, I dont like "cool" new clothes, I'm satisfied with mine now. I dont want to be like the stars, their all corrupt bastards. I dont give a rats ass what the media thinks is cool, or what other people think is cool. Fuck you all, I'm "cool" enough as I am.

NEwaaaaaays...I'm sick of school now, I wish it were summer, I dont miss everyone anymore, I miss the comfort of my home and relaxing. People piss me off, I should keep this in mind before wanting to go back to school. I need to find someone I can trust, completely and forever. But I cant, I know I cant. As much as I trust some of my friends, they dont have the same trust for me, they hide things from me, and that just makes it a one-way friendship, again. I've had too many of those, I guess it comes with being to "nice". O well, this is my price to pay for being nice. I'm mean when I joke, but those are only jokes, maybe I should stop joking with people and then see what happens. Just be completely and totally nice. I hate being un-noticed, I hate being under-appreciated, and I hate people because they make me feel like that. Gawd...I always get "Brad, You're so mean!"..whatever, i guess no one really knows me. Meh. I guess thats life. I'll just roll with the punches then.

Neways, i obviously have a lot on my mind, so I think i will go rest that mind with some Charmed.

Update Latah~

Okay, ya, no more updating, I'm lazy...
So, here's what you've all been waiting for..

Tailz's Tip of the Day: People suck, Stay away from them whenever possible, Move in with animals if you can, I know I would

posted by Bradimon @ 4:33 p.m.