Dreams.

Wow, I had a nice talk with my sister just a few hours ago.
It was weird, we havent talked much lately, cause she's busy and I'm busy or she's out or I'm out, whatever, but it was good, refreshing I guess. Giving me a new outlook on things at home, kinda bringing me out of my own little world, and back to noticing that there is a completely different world out there, not of my own. Its really hard not to be selfish...I try, I do...but I keep coming back to the selfish me...I see everyone around me being so selfish, and it bothers me, and then I unconsiously do something selfish, and it just sets me back to their level...I guess no matter how many selfless things I do...I cant really de-humanize myself...I think I need to come up with a plan rather than just say I want to be less-selfish..but I cant think of one, because things just happen, and then I have to decide right there and then, and a lot of the time I dont have a chance to think of other people. Its so hard to be a good person...and so easy to be a bad person...its not very fair is it...I dont see any things really wrong with being evil right now if you have no morals, but then what are morals...things people made up to be nice to other people...but why do I have to be nice...I dont...but thats the person I want to be...but why? Ugh...too much thinking...and I'm not going to ever find the answer...I really wish I could go back in time, and keep all the knowledge I have now, so I can wiz through school, know good people from bad, know what to do when...making life sooo much easier...Damnit...Whats so good about being good anyway? Whats so good about being bad? Why am I asking this, its not like it matters...I am who I am...If I change, I change. But what if I dont want to change...or if I do...bleh, now I'm just confusing myself...I'll shut up now and study bio..

posted by Bradimon @ 1:00 a.m.