Dreams.

Insecurity.

Yah, a little lesson I need to learn about insecurity...is that I cant let other people's insecurity affect me. Really not a healthy thing to do, but I feel how they feel most of the time because its easy to get wrapped up in someone elses feelings I think.

It's a horrible thing...I mean, most of the time I'm pretty secure and I can relax about things, but when other people are more insecure about things that concern me, then I begin to doubt things that I've normally doubted and overcome. I think because I believe that things are always subject to change that things arent always going to be secure, and thus I feel insecure at times when other people feel insecure because I figure..things must be happening to make them feel like that (regarding matters with myself at least). In reality...it could be the person being completely insecure on their own tangent completely unrelated to how I am, and really more along the lines of their own issues.

I see this more and more...not to say that I'm completely stable all the time, but at least I can take refuge in knowing that I'm relatively stable most of the time and not some crazy loose cannon.

"Foxy Love may be loose, but she aint no cannon!"

I'll take heart in the fact that I know myself well enough that I will know when I'm screwing up because I'm confident in myself, and I know that my friends will tell me when I'm being a fuck up and I wont rely on underlying signals that are misinterpretted by the insecurity of others. I clearly read wayy too much into people and need to tone it down so I can relax in life just that little bit more.

Frankly, I'm surprised that so many people are so insecure...? I figure around my age that people would start figuring things out more and more? But I guess that there could be unforeseen circumstances that could happen in the future that could screw you up. I'll just hope that I stay pretty secure with myself for a long time. I know I'm not always going to be, and I shouldnt fear being lost in emotions. I generally know my way around this little brain of mine, so I should be pretty safe.

I mean, its unrealistic for me to think that I'm the smartest/best looking/most amazing person in the world. Thats not what keeps me warm at night anyways. I believe the root of my security lies in my family and friends. Of course being not ugly, not dumb (too dumb :P) and not a bad person helps, but I dont need all that stuff to put myself above other people. Its helpful towards my self-esteem, but I dont want to be the most amazing person out there...who wants to be with someone who's perfect anyway? Its way too much of a power imbalance, and thats not what i would call a healthy relationship, friend or otherwise.

All I am, is what you see here. A normal boy, no better, no worse than anyone else. I mean, I love to talk shit and always be like "Hahhaha, they dont compare to meeeee! Hahahha" but thats all jokes. People can think I'm worse or better than them if thats how they like to think and thats their opinion that I'll be thankful for either way. You just cant please everyone I guess. You can only please yourself enough to be secure with yourself, not that there isnt room for improvement, but yah. you know what I mean :P

Anyways, this is the end of my rant on insecurity, I hope you enjoyed!...hahah :P

posted by Bradimon @ 4:35 a.m.