Dreams.

Hmm

I feel so strange a lot of the time.

Sometimes I feel like locking myself in my room and just sitting in the dark no doing anything. I dont cause thats kinda strange, but I feel it just because I feel so seperate from things sometimes...

I guess pain just doesnt disappear like that...

Superficially, I'm really quite happy. I mean, I'm at a good school, meeting new people, having lots of fun in a physical sense. But when you get down to it, I dont feel a very deep emotional connection to...well...anything here?

I mean the people here are great (most of them) and thats not what I mean...just having fun doesnt make friends? Sure we bond and stuff and joke around...but its not the same as I'm used to.

I feel things are changing around me at home, and with some friends and everything. I know nothing horribly drastic or bad is changing, but its just a little scary. We all grow and change and I know that we cant really do much about that but accept it and look on the brightside. For some reason, optumism has left me here.

I dont want pity posts on my tagboard by the way. No phone calls about this either please, I just want to figure things out for myself and chill out.

The scars of the past still are here, and they leave a permanent painful mark on me...and everytime I see these scars...I feel a bit of that pain again. It'll fade eventually like all things do, but it doesnt make it hurt less.

Lots has happened around here...and I've met so many new wonderful people, and have so many wonderful people that love me...but...well...I'll just leave it at that.

Again, NO SYMPATHY POSTS PLEASE. They just make me feel worse. I'm simply posting this to get it out of my system and sort through some feelings.

posted by Bradimon @ 2:50 a.m.