Dreams.

I shouldn't be awake.

Yet I am.

While I sit with this little biore nose pore clearing strip waiting for it to solidify so I can get rid of these blackheads. Really just the two that I noticed 15minutes ago...hahah.

Okay, so I'm vain, who isn't nowadays.

But anyways, on to more important thoughts. What is going on? Where has all the love, where has all the love gone? I used to feel more compassionate for people I see that are going through something, now I feel like I don't have time to worry about them because I'm busy trying to be 'strong' and 'independent'.

This is bad, I'm losing balance in my life, but at least making money...to pay rent, and people that I owe money to. Then I have school...I know, no one said this would be easy, and I don't expect it to be...I just need to get some actual relax time in. Is that so hard? Kinda is. Everywhere I go there is something to stress or worry about. Every corner, and when I stop and I feel as though there isn't something to stress about...I stress about myself.

I feel this constant need to be this busy strong indepedent person working to survive in the world on his own, while trying to balance friends family and school. I hate being this 'strong' person who does everything for himself. Who else can I depend on to do it? No one of course, but myself, so I have to be like this...but how do I bring the compassion back? I can sense the problems going on around me...I can, and I want to ask about them, but it makes me feel...weak. If I could just find a balance...to try to work hard and be able to do things on my own, but also care about how people are feeling again...aside from just how I am feeling. It's hard to be less selfish when you are afraid that you can't pay rent, though I know the parents will back me up...I don't like depending on them to do anything.

Money makes people evil...this is my conclusion. I'll find a way around it. I will.

I just hope I can stop thinking about somethings.

posted by Bradimon @ 4:31 a.m.