Hmm..
Just some nice random thoughts going on in my head.Things are going good without the parentals around. Had a really nice talk with Dana today, about pretty much everything? Well, cept one thing I wanted to talk to her about...I'll find a way though.
Anyways, I've been thinking a bit the last little while...about what I want to do with my life, where I want to go, what I want to do, before course selection is due...I'm not sure anymore? There are so many things I want to do, so many possiblities. Not to toot my own horn, but I am honestly a smart guy, not the smartest ever, but a smart guy.
To be honest, I'm afraid to study though. I havent ever hardcore studied in my whole life so far. I've always been distracted by something because I've been afraid. Sad to let fear keep me from doing more than I could...but I've figured that I've done so well without studying well...what would happen if I tried and didnt do well? I know, its childish of me to be so afraid, and I have to conquer this fear and actually study while I'm at UofT.
I'm afraid because I feel that I wont do better, and that 82% is the best of my ability. I'm afraid that I wont be great...but thats absurb because everyone is great in their own way I know...but I just want to be able to do really well in school. I hope I can hold it all together...I'll try, I promise myself I will try.
I also talked to my sister about responsiblity. This made me remember lots of old times in high school. I never realised that I had to be so responsible...and why I had to be. Its so weird...I think I'm too passive though. I let people form their moulds and casts of themselves and flow with'em. I let them think that they are something and let them think that I'm something else...these are just a bunch of random things I've been thinking about...sorrie, bare with me.
I've also been thinking about the "Online Universe" that has been created by games and stuff that I've been playing. It makes me sad to see some people that go CRAZY over it and take it as if it were real life. To a certain degree, it is real, but then to another degree it is completely false. For those who cant read body langauge or tone of voice, then yes, it is real...but then with simple stage directions, you can create an atmosphere that makes you seem like something you really arent. It is really a nice escape from the real world, but it isnt really the real world, but it is...
Follow me here? I might not be making the most sense right now, its late...okay...lets see if I can articulate this a little better...so on this online game my friends and I play, there are guilds and such to go hunting with or to fight with or to go to the arena with and kill other guilds etc etc etc. So my guild that my friends and I created a while back slowly dies and people care less and whatever, except for one guy. He's totally going mad because the guild is falling apart and to him, its a family. He really doesnt have many friends in real life, so he admitly turns to the game. He feels like the guild is his family and I feel bad because he has no friends in real life, so I talk to him and try to help him out with the guild when I am around or not hunting to level up my character. Its crazy, because he's so into it, but I understand that he needs it...but he takes it WAY too seriously. We had a guild meeting to assess where the guild was headed and whats going on, and he was trying to lead it, but a lot of us were goofing off and laughing and having fun and such, so the guy got mad and stormed out. He whispered us later saying how mad he was that we werent taking things seriously and blahb labh lbhablhab.
He's one type of gamer I see a lot of. The ones that are shy, or anti-social, or misunderstood, or unaccepted by society. Then there are those who play the game simply just to play the game and have fun. That would be me and Grace and some others. Others meet people on the game and try to have fun in real life with them...Its just weird...this whole online thing is weird and I cant explain my thoughts on it properly.
Its good for a temporary escape, to just play around, chill and talk, but not to create a new society that accepts you. Thats just strange and makes you something else.
I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. Its just that guy in the guild was crazy mad and sad when the guild started defending people he was attacking because he was mad. He was so mad because his little society crashed on him...and its just sad, so very sad...
I hope he recovers...and I hope I dont have to deal with that anymore, I've done that a time too many.
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