Dreams.

I dont know what to do...
I dont know what I want...
I only know, I need a change...
A drastic gigantic change.

Honestly...every fucking thing that comes to me...pisses me off...I cant even be optumistic anymore...I have no hope, no light to pull me through the darkness...Fatez...you have been a really good friend after I talked to you, and I really appreciate it...I told you something was wrong...and you changed, you really seem to care, and its wonderful...thanks you so much for that and also thank you to Ruby and Vicki for being there, although Vicki spent most of her time trying to defend people and which served to infuriate me more, thank you for caring...but it doesnt help nearly enough...I'm still not...able to do anything except yell and bitch at somethings that piss me off...Note, if you piss me off sometime soon, I guarentee you WILL hear about it. And it WILL get ugly.

I do NOT appreciate people going around saying that I am jealous of someone who I am not. It is demeaning of me, and it just boosts your ego even more. How dare you assume I am jealous? I have reason to be upset, and I am upset for those reasons alone. Do NOT assume anything about people you do NOT know and spread it around. That is extremely rude and cocky of yourself. At least when I talk to people, I will say, I THINK this, or it seems like this, as I am still watching to make sure I do not make false statements. Hmmph...you definately need to deflate your ego if you think that I am or ever would be jealous of you.

There are many things that are wrong in this world...many of which I cannot change...and fine, I accept that. However, I will not sit by idle while something is going wrong. I WILL do something about it, whether it benefits or restricts myself. Life is cruel...I dont need people to make it worse. Especially my close friends.

I am, and will be irritated, mad, upset etc etc. until I find a solution. The only thing I can think of at the moment is to disappear into different groups and eventually fade away. I know that would be fine, because as I observed you today, you were all fine without me, and seemed to be content. This solution seems optimal at the moment. Perhaps I will think of another later...if it involves little work, I may put it into action. I have no effort left to work at anything.

To get an image of how angry I was last night...I my entire body was shaking with rage. I couldnt see straight because even my head was shaking because of my body. I hope none of you know how that feels, to be so consumed with anger, but regardless, I am still mad now.

Time does not heal all wounds for me...Time opens them and picks at them until they bleed more...I need a solution, and I need one fast...before I think more.

posted by Bradimon @ 6:32 p.m.