Dreams.

Reality Check continued...

Slowly I'm realising more and more about how I idealize things. I've done it so many times in the past, and I'm doing it right now.

Honestly, I do try to be a nice person, but why should I be nice to someone who's such a huge asshole to me? I'm not going to be mean of course, but why should I be nice? I dont know why I do it. I dont know why I do a lot of things. I think its from fear of being scolded, or even fear of feeling guilty...

Its funnie, I was talking with someone today and I was trying to think of the 'bad' things I've done, because I was being made fun of for being a goodie goodie (Not that it was in a mean way, just all in good fun). But it got me seriously thinking...

I mean, yah, being positive is good, being optumistic is good, but then there always seems to be a lingering 'catch', much like on those cell phone commercials. No one said life should be easy, and I dont think that it will be, and I dont really want it to be or else whats the fun in that? But there's a difference between things being challenging and hard, and things being...well...

Hmm..okay, I guess its just a different kind of hard...I mean, physically hard, or mentally challenging I can handle...but emotionally hard...thats the hardest kind of hard. I really shouldnt shy away from something being emotionally challenging, thats a cowards way of thinking. I need to learn to be assertive and less passive...Thats gonna be hard considering I've always been the passive nice guy, but to be assertive....thats gonna be one of the hardest things to do for me.

No giving up. I want the old strong willed Brad back. The one that would try his hardest to be nice, to help people and to be positive...I know I talked about the "catch" but you know what? I dont care about that anymore. I should help my friends out more again, care less about myself, I think I've had a sufficient amount of time to get over my own issues by being selfish...its time to give back...again.

I hope I can remember how to be the old me. I guess its about time this break of being mean and selfish is over.

P.S.

You know...I really wasnt wanting to put this blog back for people to see, because most people have forgotten about it...but I think I will. There's no reason to hide my feelings. They're my opinion and just thoughts, if you wana read'em and disagree with them and or judge me on them on your own, then thats your business. Nothing to hide.

posted by Bradimon @ 7:19 p.m.