Monday, September 23, 2002

Hmm...

3 hours later, and I'm still confused about Matrices...everything else is under my belt though..

Anyway...On the verge of a mental break down...all thanks to my friends...school and family...Dont get me wrong, they are really important to me, but at the same time...such a nuisance...My friends (Who shall remain nameless for my safety) make me feel like a reject, outcast, and seems like they dont trust me anymore. Well...not all of my friends have turned their backs, which I am glad to say, because without them, I would be probably crying in a hole somewhere. If you're reading this, you know who you are, and I want to thank you for being here for me.

School just complicates the friend matters more...I cant seem to concentrate as well anymore...or even study for that matter...This stuff isnt even hard, I'm just...lazy...I gota start managing my time better, or i'll probably just get my ass raped by school...

To make matters more complicated, I'm even confusing myself with...myself. I dont know who I am, or whats going on...at all. I'd like to think I know all about myself, but I dont...My mind is...messy. I cant even understand myself...This paired up with pressure of school, getting into University and stupid ass friends, drives me to the edge, where my sanity lays centimeters away from a huge cliff...geh...annoyances...

On a lighter note, its really interesting being back on the single front again, going through a relationship kinda leaves you feeling...empty inside. Also clarifying something, I never said Sam was horrible. *grumbles something about unfaithful friends* But I'm glad to say that I've learned lots from this relationship. I've learned what kind of girl I'm looking for, and how...I wont say love...its too strong of a word, but how "like" is you blind. I need a girlfriend who's willing to commit to the same degree as me. I also need to be less of a pussy, stand up for whatever I want, and not be so damn whipped =P

Oo...Lots more to get off my mind and down on paper...er...computer...whatever...but then again, what I've said only skims the top layer of my...discontent. I need to drag my sanity back onto some stable ground, and fast. I just dont know that I can trust people right now...My optumism, trust and nice-ness (i need a better word...) has been completely drained out, by the emotional truck my "friends" have hit me with.

Side Note: Its funny, it seems that colorgenics knows me pretty damn well...They even used the EXACT words that I was thinking! Friggin crazy...

Anyway...not looking forward to tomorrow...Test, Quiz and starting work on an english "Jig-Saw" Presentation...lame...

Time for some much needed rest...

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